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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a guy who occasionally has the same issues, here are some thoughts.  First, it is most likely stress related.  The fact that it comes and goes, and is more likely the longer he spends with your child, suggests that he has a certain tolerance level and when he passes that, he lashes out.  When a child arrives into a household, it increases the stress.  First the sleepless nights.  Then the fact that children are relentless and need full-time attention for several years.  You don't get a break from parenting and the stress builds.  You need to find a way to vent that stress or it will burn you out.  He may be in a burn-out and just trying to get by.  He may need some way to recharge.  First, you need to find some time when he is not stressed and calm, probably early in the day, like on a weekend, when you can get his buy-in.  If he doesn't agree he has a problem and wants to change, you won't be able to get him to do it.

Some of the things that are issues can solutions:
- Probably most important, is he getting enough sleep?  I find that when I am short on sleep, I am the most likely to have problems.
- Does he have a blood sugar issue?  I have this problem, that when my blood sugar drops, I get cranky fast.  So, making sure that I have snacks that are small, but with sugar or carbs available between meals that I can take and increase the blood sugar until the next meal works.  Alternatively, a couple ounces of juice can do it for me too.
- Sex.  Once you have a child, most couples need to make time to have sex.  The child demands all the time you can give to it and too often the parents sacrifice themselves or the things that they need to provide for the child or to address the child's neediness.  Make time to have sex regularly.
- Child-free time.  When was the last time you each had child-free time?  You need to plan child-free time regularly for each of you.  Take some time regularly to give each other an evening or a weekend morning to have some stress outlet that does not involve the children.  I usually get one night out for an activity I have been doing for 30 years.  I try to take the kids shopping with me on Saturday or Sunday afternoon to give my wife a few hours of child-free time.
- Vacation.  When was the last time he had a vacation?  How about you?  And when on vacation, did you plan things that were relaxing for the parents, or did you only focus on activities and interests for the kids?  Do you have family that can watch your son for a weekend so you can have a getaway for just the two of you?  If not, can you plan two weekends, one for him to get away and one for you to  get away?

Stress is like steam building up in a bottle.  It may be fine until it reaches its popping point and then will blow.  This is happening to your husband.  You (plural) need to help him find what is the stressor that is most likely to address his needs and provide that outlet for the stress.[/quote]

I forgot to add that my wife and I keep an eye out on each other and when one of us is reaching that point where the popping point comes more frequently, we try to address one or more of the above to try and ease some of the stress.  Right now, we are planning visits to see the grandparents.  We've decided that the best way for us to get what we need and not completely deplete our vacations is that my wife will take the kids with her and go to visit her mother and brother on the West Coast.  I'll get that week home alone to be a bachelor again.  And some other point this summer, I'll take the kids with me to Florida to see my parents (and do a day at one of the parks, which they want) and she'll have a week to have the house to herself and not have to worry about the three of us.  We both need this and the kids want to see the grandparents and the grandparents want to see the kids.  Although it would be nice to go on both trips as a family, it's not realistic and this will give us the side benefit of stress relief for both of us.[/quote]

This is OP.  Thanks a lot for the constructive response. I will give this some thought.  I really do want him to be happy, and I also want a peaceful household.  I know his job stresses him out, but I feel like that is out of my control.  He is the type that doesn't feel he can change anything.   I know a job change would be scary, but I would support him and I can go back to work if necessary.  We are not struggling financially, have savings, and could make a job switch with little disruption if that is what would help.  The not even trying to make things better is what is hard for me to swallow.  He is tough to approach, but I will try to see if I can make any headway with some of your bullet points.

As for traveling alone, that is a great idea.  I actually do take my son to visit my mom without him, and he complains that he is lonely without us.  I try to encourage him to meet up with friends, take the time to workout, which he says he never has time for etc., but he usually just zones out and watches TV while we are away.  Sometimes I feel like his mom/cheerleader and that get's tiresome, especially when it falls on deaf ears.

Thanks again![/quote]

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