Reply to Enough about your pool!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think the people pointing out that your kid's are spoiled are dead on.

But I can also relate.  My sister in law has a community pool and lives an hour away.  We get pressured to take our non-swimming toddlers to that pool.  Yes, it's a great pool.  Yes we go once a summer.  But it's FAR. And my kids are just as happy at the spray fountain a block from our house which is a lot less work for me.

What I don't like is that it's somehow my responsibility to make my SIL feel like she's "getting her money's worth" at her community pool.  And if we don't agree to come all the time than somehow it's being "wasted".

All that said, I do think just telling your kids that your going to grandmas.  Oh and by the way, pack your suits because there's a pool.  If you don't want to swim, fine, but we'll be sitting by the pool for an hour, let's go, no opinions please.[/quote]
Op again, this is our exact situation. My mom calls every single week. She’s also about an hour away. I get that it’s a novelty to her, and we DO visit and use the pool from time to time to make her happy, but considering we have a pool at the middle of our own community, driving an hour to swim every week doesn’t make sense. Also, this pool is freezing and the kids just don’t like it for more than 15 minutes. But yes, we too get the guilt trips and are made to feel like the move there was just for us to have pool access.

My kids are anything but spoiled, but the cold pool isn’t novel to them. They’d rather ride bikes on the bike trail, play tennis, wander the woods, etc, than swim in a cold pool.[/quote]

I think part of why you are annoyed is you are are expecting your mother to finally Get It.  And she is not.  So I think if you start expecting her to just call every week and ask you to come swim, you'll be ready for the call.  Just say "oh we can't this weekend, but we are going to bike the C&O canal if you'd like to come".  Stop trying to explain WHY the pool isn't ideal.  Just be too busy or have other plans (even if those plans are "watch netflix").  Then have the few dates you've already committed you can remind her of.  "We can't this weekend, but the boys are excited about doing the father's day bbq over there!".  Or whatever.

I do think adjusting your expectations from "mom why don't you get this" to "she is going to call me every single week and ask this" might help.  I almost get disappointed if my MIL doesn't complain about the food at a gathering now because I've made it such a game for when she does. The shift in perspective has helped me get less annoyed.  It has not changed her behavior.[/quote]

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