Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the people pointing out that your kid's are spoiled are dead on.

But I can also relate. My sister in law has a community pool and lives an hour away. We get pressured to take our non-swimming toddlers to that pool. Yes, it's a great pool. Yes we go once a summer. But it's FAR. And my kids are just as happy at the spray fountain a block from our house which is a lot less work for me.

What I don't like is that it's somehow my responsibility to make my SIL feel like she's "getting her money's worth" at her community pool. And if we don't agree to come all the time than somehow it's being "wasted".

All that said, I do think just telling your kids that your going to grandmas. Oh and by the way, pack your suits because there's a pool. If you don't want to swim, fine, but we'll be sitting by the pool for an hour, let's go, no opinions please.

Op again, this is our exact situation. My mom calls every single week. She’s also about an hour away. I get that it’s a novelty to her, and we DO visit and use the pool from time to time to make her happy, but considering we have a pool at the middle of our own community, driving an hour to swim every week doesn’t make sense. Also, this pool is freezing and the kids just don’t like it for more than 15 minutes. But yes, we too get the guilt trips and are made to feel like the move there was just for us to have pool access.

My kids are anything but spoiled, but the cold pool isn’t novel to them. They’d rather ride bikes on the bike trail, play tennis, wander the woods, etc, than swim in a cold pool.

I think part of why you are annoyed is you are are expecting your mother to finally Get It. And she is not. So I think if you start expecting her to just call every week and ask you to come swim, you'll be ready for the call. Just say "oh we can't this weekend, but we are going to bike the C&O canal if you'd like to come". Stop trying to explain WHY the pool isn't ideal. Just be too busy or have other plans (even if those plans are "watch netflix"). Then have the few dates you've already committed you can remind her of. "We can't this weekend, but the boys are excited about doing the father's day bbq over there!". Or whatever.

I do think adjusting your expectations from "mom why don't you get this" to "she is going to call me every single week and ask this" might help. I almost get disappointed if my MIL doesn't complain about the food at a gathering now because I've made it such a game for when she does. The shift in perspective has helped me get less annoyed. It has not changed her behavior.

Anonymous wrote:driving an hour to swim every week doesn’t make sense

[Narrator] But you're not going there for the pool...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the people pointing out that your kid's are spoiled are dead on.

But I can also relate. My sister in law has a community pool and lives an hour away. We get pressured to take our non-swimming toddlers to that pool. Yes, it's a great pool. Yes we go once a summer. But it's FAR. And my kids are just as happy at the spray fountain a block from our house which is a lot less work for me.

What I don't like is that it's somehow my responsibility to make my SIL feel like she's "getting her money's worth" at her community pool. And if we don't agree to come all the time than somehow it's being "wasted".

All that said, I do think just telling your kids that your going to grandmas. Oh and by the way, pack your suits because there's a pool. If you don't want to swim, fine, but we'll be sitting by the pool for an hour, let's go, no opinions please.

Op again, this is our exact situation. My mom calls every single week. She’s also about an hour away. I get that it’s a novelty to her, and we DO visit and use the pool from time to time to make her happy, but considering we have a pool at the middle of our own community, driving an hour to swim every week doesn’t make sense. Also, this pool is freezing and the kids just don’t like it for more than 15 minutes. But yes, we too get the guilt trips and are made to feel like the move there was just for us to have pool access.

My kids are anything but spoiled, but the cold pool isn’t novel to them. They’d rather ride bikes on the bike trail, play tennis, wander the woods, etc, than swim in a cold pool.

So don't think of it as driving an hour to go swimming. Think of it as driving an hour to have a meal with your parents by the pool. I bet there are BBQ grills near the pool--bring hamburgers and hot dogs and have dinner or lunch.

Every week?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the people pointing out that your kid's are spoiled are dead on.

But I can also relate. My sister in law has a community pool and lives an hour away. We get pressured to take our non-swimming toddlers to that pool. Yes, it's a great pool. Yes we go once a summer. But it's FAR. And my kids are just as happy at the spray fountain a block from our house which is a lot less work for me.

What I don't like is that it's somehow my responsibility to make my SIL feel like she's "getting her money's worth" at her community pool. And if we don't agree to come all the time than somehow it's being "wasted".

All that said, I do think just telling your kids that your going to grandmas. Oh and by the way, pack your suits because there's a pool. If you don't want to swim, fine, but we'll be sitting by the pool for an hour, let's go, no opinions please.

Op again, this is our exact situation. My mom calls every single week. She’s also about an hour away. I get that it’s a novelty to her, and we DO visit and use the pool from time to time to make her happy, but considering we have a pool at the middle of our own community, driving an hour to swim every week doesn’t make sense. Also, this pool is freezing and the kids just don’t like it for more than 15 minutes. But yes, we too get the guilt trips and are made to feel like the move there was just for us to have pool access.

My kids are anything but spoiled, but the cold pool isn’t novel to them. They’d rather ride bikes on the bike trail, play tennis, wander the woods, etc, than swim in a cold pool.

So don't think of it as driving an hour to go swimming. Think of it as driving an hour to have a meal with your parents by the pool. I bet there are BBQ grills near the pool--bring hamburgers and hot dogs and have dinner or lunch.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the people pointing out that your kid's are spoiled are dead on.

But I can also relate. My sister in law has a community pool and lives an hour away. We get pressured to take our non-swimming toddlers to that pool. Yes, it's a great pool. Yes we go once a summer. But it's FAR. And my kids are just as happy at the spray fountain a block from our house which is a lot less work for me.

What I don't like is that it's somehow my responsibility to make my SIL feel like she's "getting her money's worth" at her community pool. And if we don't agree to come all the time than somehow it's being "wasted".

All that said, I do think just telling your kids that your going to grandmas. Oh and by the way, pack your suits because there's a pool. If you don't want to swim, fine, but we'll be sitting by the pool for an hour, let's go, no opinions please.

Op again, this is our exact situation. My mom calls every single week. She’s also about an hour away. I get that it’s a novelty to her, and we DO visit and use the pool from time to time to make her happy, but considering we have a pool at the middle of our own community, driving an hour to swim every week doesn’t make sense. Also, this pool is freezing and the kids just don’t like it for more than 15 minutes. But yes, we too get the guilt trips and are made to feel like the move there was just for us to have pool access.

My kids are anything but spoiled, but the cold pool isn’t novel to them. They’d rather ride bikes on the bike trail, play tennis, wander the woods, etc, than swim in a cold pool.

OP, I think the people pointing out that your kid's are spoiled are dead on.

But I can also relate. My sister in law has a community pool and lives an hour away. We get pressured to take our non-swimming toddlers to that pool. Yes, it's a great pool. Yes we go once a summer. But it's FAR. And my kids are just as happy at the spray fountain a block from our house which is a lot less work for me.

What I don't like is that it's somehow my responsibility to make my SIL feel like she's "getting her money's worth" at her community pool. And if we don't agree to come all the time than somehow it's being "wasted".

All that said, I do think just telling your kids that your going to grandmas. Oh and by the way, pack your suits because there's a pool. If you don't want to swim, fine, but we'll be sitting by the pool for an hour, let's go, no opinions please.

Anonymous wrote:Would it kill you to just go once or twice?

Seriously. Call me crazy but when I was a kid my parents had us do things that weren’t “appealing” to us all the time just because it’s the nice thing to do. No, I didn’t WANT to help my grandmother weed her garden but we did it. Get over yourself and suck it up to give her some joy. Sheesh.

I agree with PPs. Your parents are excited about their pool - part of that is about sharing it with your kids. Plus they probably want to show your kids off a bit and build memories. Who cares if your kids are sick of swimming? Why are you so dismissive of the simple pleasure your parents will get at having their grandkids over to swim?

Your kids can suck it up, c’mon - once a month, or even once a week. This is a no-brainer. As PPs said, you’re doing this as a kindness to your parents and kids don’t get a say in the matter (although of course you should schedule it when they aren’t exhausted).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you plan one weekend where you go over as a family for a bbq and pool party? Maybe for Father's day or a summer birthday or back to school party. Then she has something to look forward to and you checked it off your list.

Yeah, you need to get together with them anyway, right? The kids may be "pooled out" but it is OK for you to say, as the parent, that the pool is the place where you are going to get together with Grandma and Grandpa this week/this month. I think that watching grandkids enjoy a pool is one way for grandparents to enjoy summertime together. (And what else are you going to do with them? Sit at their house while the kids are on their iPads?)

Agree, just go already and make the grandparents happy. Your kids need to learn that family activities don't always revolve around their requests. When I visited my great grandma as a kid, I had to sit in a parlor surrounded by fragile heirlooms and sit up straight for a couple of hours and keep quiet while the adults talked. A pool would have been way more fun! But either way, I was expected to go and behave and I did.

Isn't it obvious this isn't about the pool?

She wants them to visit and have fun.

If swimming is so horrible, find some other way for them to see grandma.

It sometimes gets hard for grandparents once the babies become kids who are less interested in adults. Just go anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't turn it down. You make your children go and have fun with their grandparents.

But the whole point is the kids don't think the pool is fun.

So what??? When I was little, we went to my grandparents to visit because my parents said "hey kids, get in the car. We're going to visit your grandparents for the afternoon!" And there was NOTHING TO DO THERE but sit in their very small living room and stare at each other while the grown-ups visited. They did have one toy box with old toys from when my mom and uncle were little, but I mean like plastic toy horses, a spinning top, an old jack-in-the-box, and a few raggedy-and coloring books. We were 10 and 12 but we made due with what they had.

We would have gone WILD if they had only had a POOL! Man...we would have settled for them telling us to turn on the garden sprinkler at that point! But we did not say a thing because our parents made sure to explain that these visits were to make our grandparents HAPPY, not to "entertain" us!

Your kids are fortunate that there is at least something for them to do beyond stare at the four walls...and very spoiled that they don't appreciate that.

+1 million, stop letting them be so entitled and call all the shots

All of this. It's not like they're terrified of the water or allergic to the sun.

Every time I visit my aunt she makes spaghetti, with a jar of sauce and a salad from a bag. I am bored of spaghetti with jarred sauce and salad from a bag. Spaghetti and salad isn't offensive or inedible, it's just simple and boring. The kids certainly don't get a say in it - "Aunt Larla, we're not coming over because the kids are tired of spaghetti " I can suggest we order in or I can bring stuff over, but it misses the point, which is that it makes an old woman happy to cook us some damn spaghetti.

Bonus points in her mind, if the spaghetti is a community space where she can show off her family. I have had my share of family issues with odd demands and expectations, but you are letting the kids make decisions they have no business making here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't turn it down. You make your children go and have fun with their grandparents.

But the whole point is the kids don't think the pool is fun.

So what??? When I was little, we went to my grandparents to visit because my parents said "hey kids, get in the car. We're going to visit your grandparents for the afternoon!" And there was NOTHING TO DO THERE but sit in their very small living room and stare at each other while the grown-ups visited. They did have one toy box with old toys from when my mom and uncle were little, but I mean like plastic toy horses, a spinning top, an old jack-in-the-box, and a few raggedy-and coloring books. We were 10 and 12 but we made due with what they had.

We would have gone WILD if they had only had a POOL! Man...we would have settled for them telling us to turn on the garden sprinkler at that point! But we did not say a thing because our parents made sure to explain that these visits were to make our grandparents HAPPY, not to "entertain" us!

Your kids are fortunate that there is at least something for them to do beyond stare at the four walls...and very spoiled that they don't appreciate that.

+1 million, stop letting them be so entitled and call all the shots

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't turn it down. You make your children go and have fun with their grandparents.

But the whole point is the kids don't think the pool is fun.

So what??? When I was little, we went to my grandparents to visit because my parents said "hey kids, get in the car. We're going to visit your grandparents for the afternoon!" And there was NOTHING TO DO THERE but sit in their very small living room and stare at each other while the grown-ups visited. They did have one toy box with old toys from when my mom and uncle were little, but I mean like plastic toy horses, a spinning top, an old jack-in-the-box, and a few raggedy-and coloring books. We were 10 and 12 but we made due with what they had.

We would have gone WILD if they had only had a POOL! Man...we would have settled for them telling us to turn on the garden sprinkler at that point! But we did not say a thing because our parents made sure to explain that these visits were to make our grandparents HAPPY, not to "entertain" us!

Your kids are fortunate that there is at least something for them to do beyond stare at the four walls...and very spoiled that they don't appreciate that.

I can’t imagien one of our parents inviting our kids to do anything & them responding with “we’d rather do something different” - wtf? It doesn’t have to be every week but let your parents have some time with their grandkids and cry me a river if swimming isn’t the #1 choice of activity.

My parents have their own pool. Is it a pain when we both work all week and need the weekend to do errands and house/yard work and one child still naps? Hell yes. But my parents won’t be around forever so I’d rather my kids have fun pool days with them.

Sometimes as kids we have to do things we don’t like. It’s a good lesson.