Reply to DH married me to stand up to his mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=froggymom]I'm really sorry that you are going through this even though you say you are OK with it. Remember there are children involved in this that will probably not be OK with it. There's a lot of emotional stuff going on here, and I wouldn't try to sort it all out so quickly. You owe it to the yourself, husband and children to see the counselor and try to get to the bottom of the issues. Please just take a step back and give it the time it deserves before making any permanent decisions.[/quote]

We are doing this.  The earliest we can get into a recommended marriage counselor that's covered by insurance is May 30 so we have a couple weeks.

My feelings have been all over the place.  I was crying uncontrollably when he told me. Then I calmed down to almost stoic.  Then I was angry. Now I almost feel like it doesn't matter.

On top of everything else, he just confided in me that he had done ecstasy regularly with his last girlfriend -- the first and only times he ever did it. Even though 10 years have passed since he did drugs and they no longer stay in touch (she got married and moved on) he still feels addicted to her (not the drug, but her). He says that he "wanted" to feel that way about me but never did.  Interestingly, my mother in law hated her, too.  And I now think that the reason she hated me and was so controlling of him when we met could have been due to this unhealthy and addictive relationship.  She didn't know that they were doing drugs but she did know that he was acting weird with her -- like he hadn't acted before.

When he explained the euphoria he felt around her, I kept thinking "why is he telling me this?  Just to hurt me?  What am I supposed to do?  Go out and buy drugs?"  My reaction at this point to us ending this sham marriage is "good riddance!'

But, yes, I understand that I am going to need counseling and years to process this garbage.  And I get that there are two innocent kids who adore this loser.  And I am trying to be the only adult here.

And I suddenly don't blame his mom for anything.  Of course she was insanely concerned about him, called us incessantly, and would be controlling about his food, appearance, job, home, associates.  Her son was/is a druggie.

Aaggggghhh.[/quote]

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