Reply to What did your parents do right in the teen years?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the main thing my parents did right was to know me well enough to understand how best to supervise me.  That meant that they did not impose many hard and fast "rules" (like curfews) and they recognized that they could trust my judgment.  Because they did, I developed even better judgment.  A different sort of kid would have required a different sort of parenting.[/quote]
I think this is the very best approach. [/quote]

Reading this, I realized it's what I think my own mom did (my dad died when I was young). I was the classic "good kid" who wanted to please her and my teachers, and though she didn't gush about that fact, she reinforced my wanting to be that kid by doing very quiet but clear things to show she trusted me. Randomly during senior year, when we could leave campus to have lunch, she would hand me some cash at breakfast and say, "Take a friend out to lunch today on me." No speeches about where to go or being sure to return to school on time. And the one time I was going to a prom at another school and asked her (good kid...) what time I should be home, she looked at me and said, "I've never set a curfew for you before, so there's no need to start now."

She was very affectionate without being effusive and showed her trust by...trusting me. She also parented the kids she had, as the saying goes; my brother was totally different, a live wire and the classic troublesome teenager and he got curfews and was reeled in hard when he started getting close to some real trouble with friends. He now says he's glad. But we were parented very differently, I now see, and it worked for each of us.

So, OP...know your kids. And with some kids, you can "set rules" without necessarily having to go around stating them In All Capital Letters, All The Time. I knew what the "rules" were -- do as she and my grandmother (the other adult in the household) asked, be in charge of my own schoolwork, and most of all just ASK. Ask if I can go over to a friend's house and tell her what time I'll be back; ask if I can sign up for this or that at school or over the summer, ask for help if there's a problem. Just ask. [/quote]

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