Reply to What did your parents do right in the teen years?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had no curfew and my parents had one basic rule. I needed to keep them informed where I was, who I was with and what I was doing. The logic was that if I didn’t want to tell them, I probably shouldn’t be doing it. Lying would have resulted in things like a curfew or certain activities being off limits (going to college house parties to see punk bands).

The only other rule I recall was not to drive drunk / intoxicated and not to ride with anyone who was drunk / intoxicated. I always knew I could call them.

I grew up in a college town with plenty of access to alcohol and drugs and I didn’t drink or smoke until college. I hung out late at night in the basement of bars or in college rental houses watching bands play and was friends with “bad kids”. Yet I was first chair for my instrument, valedictorian, 3 varsity sports and a club president. I got a great scholarship to a private university. If you had looked at me in high school with my dyed hair and Hot Topic fake Goth / punk clothes, you would not have guessed I was actually more like Tracy Flick in Election than the stoner/ burnout I looked like. I am glad my parents supported me being me while still helping me keep my eye o the prize - college, scholarship, etc. [/quote]

I’ll add that the way my parents explained the one main rule to me was that it is about respect and being part of the family. For example, my mom doesn’t leave the house without saying anything. She says “I’m going to the store, I’ll be back in an hour, does anyone need anything?”. My parents taught me that telling people when you’ll be home, asking if you need to be home at a certain time for a family event, or informing my parents in advance when I will need a ride or need them to attend something at school was just basic respectful behavior and how we all get along as a family. I am an only child and my parents and I had this culture of mutual respect starting when I was in high school. I had a lot of autonomy and in some ways my relationship with my parents was similar in those years to my relationships with roommates in college and young adulthood. We all had our own job / school, our own car, did our own laundry, and took turns cleaning up, grocery shopping and making food for the house. I had a much easier tradition to independence than a lot of my peers. I am always amazed how my husband’s parents still treat their 3 adult kids as kids at ages 30-40. My relationship with my parents feels more like we are peers and friends. [/quote]

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