Reply to DH is going to blow a gasket. Give me strength.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is going to sound really oversimplified, but you are in a good place because you are done. Because you can walk away, you have all the power. I recommend you see a lawyer first and get all your ducks in a row and financially and logistically - know the law about whether you can take the kids, leave the house, etc. act as if you expect a divorce and expect him to play dirty.

My mom had an awful temper my whole childhood and well into my 30s. She’s just a total bitch. She’s always the victim. No one can do anything right. She used to swear at my dad and I and throw things constantly. We were always on eggshells. One day in my late 20s I decided I was done. When she threw her fits I just reacted totally calmly and deadpan. I took away her power by deciding I didn’t care and that I wasn’t going to let her upset me. It made her super mad - like a toddler being ignored. I didn’t cut her off, I just would sit and listen. Eventually she realized she couldn’t get what she wanted by throwing a fit. We have a great relationship now. [/quote]

OP here and I appreciate your input about a strategy for dealing with the tantrums. [b]I don’t want to divorce my husband. I don’t want to take my kids’ father away, because he is honestly good to them and loves them. I want to be able to have difficult adult conversations with him without him blowing up and running off, I want him to be nicer and more patient, even when we’re in the sh*t.[/b] I know these are our most stressful years and I don’t want to give up under the pressure, but I’ve got to have a partner in this, not another petulant kid to parent. I don’t want to throw around the threat of divorce carelessly, [b]but I do need him to realize his behavior is serious enough that I’ve considered leaving just to get a break from it.[/b][/quote]

Okay - then you have to make sure that there is less shit and more nurturing. Don’t stir the pot if at all possible. YOU start being nicer and more patient even when you’re ‘in the SH?t’. Stop dragging his nose through the mud and pointing out his flaws and you improve how you are acting. He should calm down.[/quote]

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