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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]IMHO the concern would be not being able to differentiate between the bad parts of your childhood and what is normal/acceptable.

For example, when I misbehaved as a child my parents fed me stale bread and water.  According to DW this is an unacceptable punishment for a child.  As another example, my dad used to punch me when he got angry and my mom used to smack me when she got angry.  I know now that both of these things are wrong to do and I wouldn't do them to my children but some of these weird things can become normalized when you go through them.

[/quote]

This. Dh comes from an abusive family -fil was a physically abusive alcoholic/mil was an emotionally abusive enabler. He went to therapy in his early 20s and by the time we had kids in our mid 30s, he thought that he had put everything behind him. But the daily experience of raising children brought up unresolved issues that he never really had to confront before having kids. Having children made him realized the extent of his parents' unfitness (resulted in renewed anger against his parents). It also made him realize the extent that he internalized /normalized dysfunctional behaviors, especially towards children. For example, reacting to toddler tantrums with losing his temper/control, anger, and screaming. Intellectually he knew that  this was wrong but he instinctively reacted that way because it was how he was raised/what he saw growing up. He was usually apologetic afterwards (like his father). It was a scary time in our marriage. He went back to therapy when our oldest was 3. If he didn't, I doubt that we would be together today.[/quote]

Therapy is key.  DH refuses to own his family's s**t, which makes things really difficult.  Yet, when I (or anyone) am/is around his family, the inappropriateness is glaringly obvious. [/quote]

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