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[quote=Anonymous][quote]The case workers perspective was that if you don't address it, it can be triggered by something in your own child / parenting and then you have to deal with it when it is more of a crisis. I didn't say much to the case worker and will watch what I say moving forward.

OP, the adoption process aside, this is an incredibly unhealthy mindset for anyone, especially someone who wants to be a parent.

What aspect do you see as an incredibly unhealthy mindset?

The case worker was objectively correct, becoming a parent can trigger buried issues from one's own childhood, which can then be played out on the person's own child in unhealthy ways. People who acknowledge and accept this possibility are more likely to recognize it when it's happening/threatening to happen, and deal with it in a healthy manner (therapy or no). The person who believes they have everything under control, can compartmentalize it all perfectly and will be just fine never dealing with those things are more likely to play it out in bad ways because they're so determined not to see it.[/quote]

That's what happened to me.  I had a very traumatic, dysfunctional, abusive childhood.  Yet, when I finally got away, I developed a great life, found a good DH and a very healthy life.  People were (are) stunned when the learn how I grew up.  I thought I had moved on.  Yet, when my two youngest children were about 3 and 4, I was blindsided by what it triggered.  Seeing the relationship between my two youngest reminded me of the relationship (positive) I had with my younger brother.  It ripped the scar tissue off my emotional wounds and I was rocked by the thought of someone doing to my two kids what was done to me and my siblings.

My father had been dead for over 20 years when these feelings came roaring out.  I had to go to therapy and start on an SSRI because I was in such a bad me - me, who had not only survived my childhood but thrived.  I had no idea my kids could be the trigger of this.  I was told my my counselor that my experience is not uncommon.  That case worker is correct. [/quote]

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