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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband came back to me after an affair.  It was hard work, on both our parts.  I strongly recommend the surviving infidelity forums.

I also strongly recommend that while you continue to work on things, you also start - right now - getting your hands on and photocopying every piece of financial information you can find.  Even better, while your husband is feeling guilty, get him to agree to hand over financial management to you or a paid person so you can have a clear idea of where everything is.

I don't know if your marriage will work.  It might.  It might not.  Unfortunately, it's not entirely up to you if it works, but it is up to you if it does'nt work out.  Detach a bit, figure out finances, get everything all lined up to protect you.  This can and should happen in parallel of still working on the marriage.  [/quote]

This is great advice. Our marriage also survived an affair, but my DH was 200% in to fix it afterwards and had none of the ambivalence you've described, OP. This is a little worrisome, but not entirely unusual in emotional affairs and you guys may still find a way.

In any case, I am normally all for trying to make it work, but in this case, you need to make sure you are protecting yourself too. As part of our recovery I made DH agree to set aside a large amount of money in an account that only I have access to. It's there as a safety net in case I ever decide to leave. Something to think about. And definitely talk to a lawyer and get to know the household finances in the meantime. You may never need to use this information but you should have it.[/quote]

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