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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]H comes from a loving and generally healthy family and he does this too. MIL is a sweet and decent person, but prone to anxiety. When I was giving birth to our first child H was on the phone with his mom constantly reassuring her, while I was struggling and could use some comforting. We actually fought over it and he didn't think he did anything wrong. Last year we were planning to visit his mom out of town for 3 days before Christmas and then be home on Christmas day with my mom, who's local and undergoing chemo. MIL sighed and fussed about missing us on the holiday itself and H immediately asked me if we could change our plans to stay longer with his mom, which means leaving my sick mom alone! I had to put my foot down but the fact that he would even ask is chilling to my heart.  [/quote]

IMO, based on what you wrote, it sounds like he does not come from a healthy family.  Your MIL sounds like mine, and she and your DH have some issues.  Sounds like NPD and my guess is, your DH has not established boundaries (seems unaware of the need for them) and sounds susceptible to her guilt trips.  It will only get worse if you don't establish boundaries and nip this in the bud with DH now.  (She is probably doing it even more now because you and the child take his attention away from her.) . In my experience, I was a mere vessel for her DGC - assuming it's like my situation, then you are an outsider in her mind, and, what's more, you are the one who stole her son.  She likely only cares for her offspring because she thinks they are either an extension of her or here on earth to serve her needs....Below are a couple of links that might help you sort this out in your mind, deal with it.  The more you allow them to cross boundaries the faster the boundaries chip away.  My bet is that your mom's illness also poses a threat to MIL because, again, it takes attention away from her.  There are lots of other articles out there that provide some guidance on setting boundaries, etc.  Good luck - this can be managed, but DH has to get a backbone.

https://narcissisticmil.wordpress.com/category/how-npd-mil-affects-a-marriage/

https://www.barendspsychology.com/narcissistic-mother-in-law/[/quote]

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