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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think men who come from healthy families experience this too. DH does absolutely everything his family wants or asks. Stay with his family for 6 days for Thanksgiving when we see them ever month (and we have an infant and a toddler who can't sleep there)? Why not! Visit his family the first weekend he's home from 6 weeks away because they missed him? Yes!

He doesn't care about the discomfort of his family or the lack of nuclear family time when he's giving into his parents. His parents have reasonable demands, but he needs to put nuclear family first. I tell my parents no all the time.

I think broadly that sons are raised to just go along with plans that are made by women. [/quote]

Really?  DHs family was extremely patriarchal, and the kids always came second.  FIL despised being around his wife and kids, and was away more often than not. He did what he wanted, when he wanted, no questions asked. What a terrible way to live!  MIL shows enormous evidence of being treated accordingly - she didn't matter, and she is PISSED. She subscribes to the "what I want, when I want" sentiment, as a result - you say black, she says white, for the sake of it. Everyone was constantly at each other, in passive aggressive ways, and when you are around them, you can cut the air with a knife.  They don't like each other, yet get together for a sort of strange bragging rights or something.  People show up for an hour, then bolt, maybe 2-3x per year. Which is fine, but why try to please people like this?  DH really feels the ramifications (sort of a shunning) when he doesn't do what they want.  They are cold people to begin with, so WTH is the difference?  The ILs regularly opt out, for obvious reasons.  Do we have to do this painful charade?  Just one example.[/quote]

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