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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here: OMG.... Yes! They are loud, eat snacks and leave shit all over, wet towels on the floor, grabbing snacks (I try to not buy much btw), always want to be on some form of electronics and are basically unhelpful. I want them to help with the dog a bit more, not complain about the trash and just do it.... I know saying things over and over takes away my power. I agree with everyone about the natural consequences of grades etc. It's tough though-- they are smart-- fortunately are getting good grades now and they are both very social. The thing is that I try to be calm and nice and then the switch flips upon not being heard. The bottom line is: I don't want them to feel that their mom raged or made the house chaotic. I will check out that book... but the interesting thing is that one kid has ADHD hyper and then other ADD inattentive.... They are both at good public schools and are doing well, but maybe they just hold it together all day and then just lose it when they come home...[/quote]

If they aren't helpful around the house, take away electronics until chores are done.  Period.  Helping out around the house is not optional.  And honestly, I'd put them in the same boat.  No electronics for anyone until the chores are done.  They will help motivate each other.

Also, be very clear that if they leave their stuff out, you will throw it away.  Then do it.

Basically, make the rules and consequences clear, and then stop talking about it.  One reminder, max, and then you impose the consequence.  And ignore the whining and complaining that will inevitably follow.

And tell your husband that if he wants a calm, peaceful atmosphere, then he needs to step up and help make sure your kids are behaving respectfully.

And when you feel like you are about to lose it, say so: "Guys, you are on my last nerve.  I'm going to go away for ten minutes to take some deep breaths, and when I come back, X needs to be done or Y will happen."  Then do that.  [/quote]

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