Reply to What would you do? 20 yo almost 21 yo cousin wants to live with us?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm long-term sober.  Basically, if I were in your position, I would NOT let him live with me and my family.  My first obligation is to them, especially to my minor children.  You can better help your cousin by keeping him from developing a  dependence on you.  That would be the result if he lives with you.  He needs to learn to live like an adult.  Don't get him out of jams.  Help him learn to take care of himself.

1.  I love the suggestion a PP made to imagine that future  time when he tells you that "he could do so  much better and so much more" if you let him live with you.  Practice your speech telling him, "No, I love you, but you are not going to live with us.  I am going to help you find a place to live."

2.  For certain, a halfway house sounds like the way to go.  He will be surrounded by other people also trying to change their lives.  He will have reduced rent.  He will have boundaries enforced by people who specialize in it.

3.  Also loved what a PP said about, "It's easy to let him in but it's very hard to put him out if that becomes necessary."  That drama could be anything from financially devastating to traumatizing to your family.

4.  The best thing an addict/alcoholic can do is to hit bottom.  Don't get between him and his bottom.  His bottom has left him homeless.  Giving him a place to live will not keep him sober (ask people at an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting if you're unconvinced) and NOT giving him a place to live won't cause him to drink or use.  (Ask people at an AA or NA meeting).

5.  If you talk to him about a halfway house, and he refuses to really consider it, maybe that's because what he really wants is not sobriety/recovery, but rather to get out of his current jackpot.  Don't get him out of his current jackpot.  His best bet for a good life is to stay away from ANY drugs or alcohol (I'm not including anti-depressants or similar meds).  Don't take it as your problem to solve.  It is his problem, and when he reaches out for help from AA, NA, or some professional rehab, he will be starting to find a solution.   You don't have the solution to his problem.

All my best.[/quote]

I'm so glad we have found an answer to addiction in America![/quote]

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