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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DD is also in 5th grade and sometimes the social complications between friends group can get out of control.

Really you cannot change another person's behavior, but you can change your reactions to it. This is true for 5th graders and for full grown women.

You can decide not to be offended, you can decide not to dwell. Its very hard but its entirely do-able, it just takes practice and more interesting diversions. Good luck.[/quote]

PP makes a good point.  Your DD needs to get to the point where she can dismiss the nastiness as "frenamy's drama" and move right along with nothing more than an eye roll.  You might also suggest she talk to the guidance counselor as they are experts at this stuff.[/quote]

OP here, yes, of course, I wish this were easy.  Some find this harder than others (I’m convinced we are hardwired.). Advice on how to coach this?!?[/quote]

Part of the formula is what you model.  I've seen some mom's catastrophize these dramas such that the are magnified rather than put in perspective.  I'm not saying they don't matter, they do, and I think you should by all means get the school involved if you need help putting an end to bulllying.  But not every minor incident of meanness should be treated like the sky is falling.  Social slights should not define your DD's day and you can send that message by tempering your reaction a bit, while still offering support.  I think an appropriate response to a minor slight or mean incident would be.  "That must have hurt your feelings.  If I were you, I'm not sure I'd want to spend time with friends like that."  or "Girls sure are mean and stupid sometimes aren't they"  or "Yuck.  How did you to react to that?"  I think you want to be matter of fact and don't create a second dram discussing the first.  Also, get the Queen Bees and Wannabees book ASAP as it has some good concrete advice. [/quote]

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