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[quote=Anonymous]On the one hand, some people just aren't good at being SAHPs, even if they really want to be.  On the other hand, some of the things you named are, IMO, pretty reasonable, depending on your finances: I'm a SAHM and we still have a weekly cleaner and a part-time sitter so I can run errands and have some "me" time (my kids are young, but still).  I also get lots of groceries delivered, though I still do a lot of shopping (why do we "need" things from like six stores?!?).

But, the stuff that should DEFINITELY be on her plate if she SAH is all the, well STUFF.  The mental load, as you put it.  The stuff for the kids.  I'm a big believer that being a SAHP doesn't mean you have to be a maid, but it DOES mean you TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS, and that means you manage all of their activities, school stuff, paperwork, you plan fun outings for the family, etc.  It also means that any of the stuff you pay for (weekly cleaner, sitter) should be managed entirely by her.

I think if it's what she wants it's totally reasonable to try.  You have to give her time to succeed.  I think it's really a shame that people "try" to SAH for like 6 months and then "quit".  People think it should come naturally.  Have you ever known any Mormon SAHMs?  Who went to Brigham Young?  They take classes (like, many classes) on organizing the house, childcare, etc.  Doing it well takes real work, organizational skills, time management, etc.  If she wants to do it she should read mommy blogs for tips, talk to a SAHM friend who seems like she knows what she's doing, etc.  She shouldn't just assume that she either "has it" or "doesn't".[/quote]

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