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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry OP.  As a female breadwinner, I feel so bad for you.
He doesn't sound like he will improve (he's had years to try).

So, I would initiate the divorce asap, with a mediator, and just get it done with.

The sooner you do, the sooner you can restart working and saving for your own future.  He may end up un or underemployed in a crappy apartment but that's on him.

You are still young, give yourself the chance to work towards happiness and financial independence without him
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Another female breadwinner here. The advice to work with a mediator is great advice. I wish we had done this, but my deadbeat DH immediately hired the most expensive lawyer he could find to try to get as much of my money as he could, so I had to get my own (medium-priced) lawyer. Together we ended up running through 10s of thousands of dollars.

In the end, as others here have said, the rules are pretty rigid and everything gets divided down the middle unless you both agree on something different. Not even XDH's expensive shark lawyer could get him more than half of my pensions and 401(k)s, or a penny of my inherited money.  XDH is now living in a crappy basement apartment to pay off all the debt he ran up, while I ran through maybe $30K of my assets.

Don't be us. Unless you have a really complicated situation or allegations of child abuse, work with a mediator. Maybe consult with a pensions expert to figure out your pensions strategy, but most lawyers wouldn't have helped you with that anyway.
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