Reply to When did you get over your spouse's affair? Or did you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Great post 12:18. I totally agree. I appreciate you explicitly stating how being cheated upon is sexual coersion. It happened to me, including unprotected sex when I was pregnant. It's just horrifying and in still with with the effects, which yes could probably be classified as PTSD. anyway thanks for getting it and validating my experience.

And pp, no trouble in a marriage means you can deny your spouse their own agency and risk their health, so f*ck off.[/quote]

F*ck off for disagreeing with you?  Aren't you a peach.

Not every infidelity jeopardizes the health of the other spouse.  Some are emotional entanglements and so on.

Sounds like your husband jeopardized the health of you and your child.  I guess you really know how to pick 'em!

See how nice a personal attack feels?[/quote]

I just told you to f*ck off because [b]YOU[/b] said this to PP:[b]Yes, I’m sure it was easy and felt good for you to run to friends and therapists who will sanctify you and demonize your spouse.[/b]

I don't think that comes close how nasty you just were to me.[/quote]

It's not nasty, it's the truth that many conversations about infidelity are overly simplified because it is politically correct to demonize the cheater and sanctify the cheated-on spouse.  Sorry that is too much for you to grasp.  The truth is that many people privately wonder about what more there is to the story when they hear about infidelity.  They won't say it though.  Affairs happen in both happy and lousy marriages.  They sometimes happen because of flaws within the cheater, and they sometimes happen because of flaws within the marriage.  Sometimes the relationship can be saved, sometimes it can't be saved.  Sometimes the relationship is worth saving, sometimes it isn't.  People who don't like Perel generally feel that way because they have only read tidbits of her work and they don't feel they get their "due".  In other words, they want to be further elevated.  These are often the same people whose cheating spouses never took responsibility and validated the hurt they caused, so they end up trying to get that validation from third parties.

You are no expert simply because you got pregnant by a guy who risked your child's life and your life.

Perel writes about how there is definitely different levels of betrayals, and risking the life of your child is a betrayal of the highest order. I cannot imagine any circumstance in which that would be okay.  But, you don't know the OPs situation, and not all affairs necessarily do that.  You don't have a right to dismiss the work of an accomplished therapist whose work you haven't even fully read, and whose work might be able to help OP.  Perel writes extensively about betrayal and its devastation.  Many cheated-on spouses find her work helpful.[/quote]

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