Reply to relocating to home town and just found out dad is having affair

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Reply to "relocating to home town and just found out dad is having affair"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I can understand why you wouldn't want to be in your parents' home when mom learns about the affair. I also don't understand why one event which isn't your event would drive the "I don't want to live here" mentality. You are an adult, your parents can only drag you into things if you allow it. As for your husband, if he wants to move to l.a., I'd listen to him. That doesn't mean you do it, but I would really listen to what he wants and why. It is extremely difficult for the trailing spouse (which is what your husband is) to fit in.  There is a huge amount of pressure for the trailing spouse to "get along" adjust" "make it work" "give it time" and every other phrase that would normally be appropriate when one has just moved. Your husband doesn't have ties to your parents nor your home town. If your parents are truly as drama filled as you claim, and you are as unable to withstand it as you claim, at some point, your husband is going to wonder how he and the kids are bennifitting from living in your home town. Distance makes many things tenable, especially if you are mentally and physically able to be a good mom and wife.  I wonder why you would want to move to a proximity where you would put your marriage at risk because you lack healthy boundaries with your parents.  Your husband sounds like a real good guy, I'd focus on putting him and your children above everything else. I also noticed a dismissiveness of your dad, and a dismissiveness of your husband. Your dad is hardly a Boy Scout, though he did choose to level with you as an adult and a peer when you pushed for details. You don't have to condone his behavior, but you do need to respond like an adult and realize that nobody can involve you in their mess without your permission. Your husband has mentioned wanting to live in l.a., and you seem to regard it as a joke. I wonder why you are so dismissive of the two most important men in your life, men who have opened up to you in very vonerable ways. Remember, you liked your dad enough to live with him before your husband and you officially moved, and you liked your dad enough to want to move to your home town.      [/quote]

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