Reply to Having the "stranger talk" with your child

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[quote=Anonymous]RE the question re molestation, we started by using the anatomical words for our kids' and our own genitals (vulva, scrotum)--there's decent evidence that potential molesters hear that language and know that there are frank conversations about bodies in that household.

Our kids are 6 and 3, so we talk a lot about consent and who can / can't touch their bodies (they can, we can if there's a medical question, and doctors can--but parents and doctors have to explain what's going on and get permission.)

In a kind of separate context, we've talked about not keeping secrets--especially if other people ask you to and you know in your heart it's wrong (starting when our oldest was, say 4). She encountered a few friends who liked to do things against the norms of the classroom--including kissing, but also sneaking art supplies. So we got to talk about the importance of honesty in the context of touching and just decision-making writ large. So far so good, but honestly I think that's more about our kid than parenting.

I have a number of people who have been molested in our family and friends--none of the perps are anywhere near my kids, but it's a threat that's v real to me. So I am also very aware if there's a change in desire to go to school or camp / a shift in friendships / anything that seems to indicate that trust is broken or my kid is uncomfortable. (This means I just probe and listen: Hm, you liked it last week. Did something change?)

Also, FYI, no adult in any supervisory position at school, in sports, in camps, at synagogue / church, etc will EVER be alone with a child. That's a big shift from my own childhood. But any adult who's trying to spend a lot of time w a kid one-on-one should raise awareness.

But people who prey on kids want secrecy and exclusivity (and control and all kinds of dark and terrible things)--so trying to build up a context where we can talk about that is what we're up to at this point.

If anyone has a magic wand of advice (or just straight-up magic), I'm always looking to hone my thinking / rhetoric. Trying not to destroy my kids' trust in the world--but over protection or under protection.[/quote]

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