Anonymous
08/01/2017 20:33
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I 100% do not worry about stranger abductions. You said you know how very rare they are, so I assume you know the statistics.
There are no real "strangers" in our house. They certainly aren't a "danger". We make sure our kids know that ONLY mom and dad or grandparents, or someone they KNOW, would be picking them up. Plain and simple. We would never recruit a person they don't know, to pick them up. Ever. Under no circumstances. If someone says otherwise, run home to a neighbor for help, or run to someone in a store and ask for help. Run to a pedestrian and ask for help. But never will a person we don't know come for you.
About 1-2x /year on our Bethesda neighborhood listserve, we have a report of a stranger trying to convince a kid to get in a car. I don't think it's rare. There was a thread a while back on which many adult DCUM users recalled encountering a predator that was a stranger.
But the kids knew not to get in the car.You should really inform yourself how it actually happens. Most of these "men trying to lure kids into cars" are men getting a rise (literally) buy the idea of doing this, though they never take or drive off with a kid, and have no real desire to do THAT. Men could be looking at your kids in the mall without you even knowing and getting off. Creepy as hell, but most have zero desire to actually abduct.
I encourage you to read "Free-Range Kids" it's a good book that goes into this.
Not that poster, but my 10 year old son was approached by two men in a van a month or so ago, in Rockville. To me, the fact it was two men, makes me feel it was more about sex trafficking.
Anonymous
08/01/2017 20:17
Subject: Re:Having the "stranger talk" with your child
Speaking of conversations to have with your kids, has anyone talked about a fire escape plan with their kids. I don't want to scare my little guy, but I want him b to know what to do. How did others approach this topic?
Anonymous
08/01/2017 17:41
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
Anonymous wrote:What is a bigger real threat than stranger abduction is molestation by a friend of the family, school staff, coach, priest or relative. How do you discuss that with your kids?
That is called "good touch," and you don't have to scare your kids but yes, you should be letting them know that no one should be touching their private parts except doctors (when mommy is there) and themselves in the privacy of the bathroom or bedroom by themselves.
Like other PPs, I have taught my son to go to another mommy or a police officer if we get separated. I have told him he cannot ever go off with someone he does not know, no matter what they say to him. "Would you like to see a cute puppy?" "Your mom is in trouble and asked me to pick you up."
I don't think that these things are widespread, but I think the relative harms of a little education about what to expect from the world far outweighs the terrible--if unlikely--price of ignorance.
In general I think it's OK to share this information in a lighthearted matter-of-fact way. Sometimes in the shower I ask my DS is he's washed his penis and he giggles that it tickles and I gently remind him that no one should touch his penis or rear end except a doctor when mommy is there and him in the bathroom or bedroom. It's not like it's a big conversation. It's just trying to give him a sense of a boundary, so that he will know if something is wrong.
Anonymous
07/31/2017 13:41
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Read Gavin DeBecker's books.
I read them thinking there would be these great revelations, but found them to be common sense and thus totally useless.
Same here. The Gift of Fear came so highly recommended. I couldn't believe someone wrote a whole book of basic common sense.
What I finally realized is that it's for people who grew up in a small town and still live in a small town. People who never had to develop street smarts.
Anonymous
07/31/2017 12:41
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Read Gavin DeBecker's books.
I read them thinking there would be these great revelations, but found them to be common sense and thus totally useless.
Same here. The Gift of Fear came so highly recommended. I couldn't believe someone wrote a whole book of basic common sense.
You and PP are clearly much smarter than the rest of us.
Anonymous
07/31/2017 11:27
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Read Gavin DeBecker's books.
I read them thinking there would be these great revelations, but found them to be common sense and thus totally useless.
Same here. The Gift of Fear came so highly recommended. I couldn't believe someone wrote a whole book of basic common sense.
Anonymous
07/31/2017 00:49
Subject: Re:Having the "stranger talk" with your child
My kids were younger, but I used a Berenstain Bears book on this topic.
https://www.amazon.com/Berenstain-Bears-Learn-About-Strangers/dp/0394873343
https://www.amazon.com/Berenstain-Bears-Learn-About-Strangers/dp/0394873343
Anonymous
07/31/2017 00:33
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
Anonymous wrote:Read Gavin DeBecker's books.
I read them thinking there would be these great revelations, but found them to be common sense and thus totally useless.
Anonymous
07/31/2017 00:23
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
RE the question re molestation, we started by using the anatomical words for our kids' and our own genitals (vulva, scrotum)--there's decent evidence that potential molesters hear that language and know that there are frank conversations about bodies in that household.
Our kids are 6 and 3, so we talk a lot about consent and who can / can't touch their bodies (they can, we can if there's a medical question, and doctors can--but parents and doctors have to explain what's going on and get permission.)
In a kind of separate context, we've talked about not keeping secrets--especially if other people ask you to and you know in your heart it's wrong (starting when our oldest was, say 4). She encountered a few friends who liked to do things against the norms of the classroom--including kissing, but also sneaking art supplies. So we got to talk about the importance of honesty in the context of touching and just decision-making writ large. So far so good, but honestly I think that's more about our kid than parenting.
I have a number of people who have been molested in our family and friends--none of the perps are anywhere near my kids, but it's a threat that's v real to me. So I am also very aware if there's a change in desire to go to school or camp / a shift in friendships / anything that seems to indicate that trust is broken or my kid is uncomfortable. (This means I just probe and listen: Hm, you liked it last week. Did something change?)
Also, FYI, no adult in any supervisory position at school, in sports, in camps, at synagogue / church, etc will EVER be alone with a child. That's a big shift from my own childhood. But any adult who's trying to spend a lot of time w a kid one-on-one should raise awareness.
But people who prey on kids want secrecy and exclusivity (and control and all kinds of dark and terrible things)--so trying to build up a context where we can talk about that is what we're up to at this point.
If anyone has a magic wand of advice (or just straight-up magic), I'm always looking to hone my thinking / rhetoric. Trying not to destroy my kids' trust in the world--but over protection or under protection.
Our kids are 6 and 3, so we talk a lot about consent and who can / can't touch their bodies (they can, we can if there's a medical question, and doctors can--but parents and doctors have to explain what's going on and get permission.)
In a kind of separate context, we've talked about not keeping secrets--especially if other people ask you to and you know in your heart it's wrong (starting when our oldest was, say 4). She encountered a few friends who liked to do things against the norms of the classroom--including kissing, but also sneaking art supplies. So we got to talk about the importance of honesty in the context of touching and just decision-making writ large. So far so good, but honestly I think that's more about our kid than parenting.
I have a number of people who have been molested in our family and friends--none of the perps are anywhere near my kids, but it's a threat that's v real to me. So I am also very aware if there's a change in desire to go to school or camp / a shift in friendships / anything that seems to indicate that trust is broken or my kid is uncomfortable. (This means I just probe and listen: Hm, you liked it last week. Did something change?)
Also, FYI, no adult in any supervisory position at school, in sports, in camps, at synagogue / church, etc will EVER be alone with a child. That's a big shift from my own childhood. But any adult who's trying to spend a lot of time w a kid one-on-one should raise awareness.
But people who prey on kids want secrecy and exclusivity (and control and all kinds of dark and terrible things)--so trying to build up a context where we can talk about that is what we're up to at this point.
If anyone has a magic wand of advice (or just straight-up magic), I'm always looking to hone my thinking / rhetoric. Trying not to destroy my kids' trust in the world--but over protection or under protection.
Anonymous
07/29/2017 21:50
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
Read Gavin DeBecker's books.
Anonymous
07/29/2017 18:11
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
The National Center for missing and exploited children, which coined the term "stranger danger" along time ago, now advise of people not to use that term or messaging anymore:
http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/publications/PDF10A.pdf
Most people children who were abducted are taken by people they know, and some kids have gotten so scared of strangers that even if they are lost they won't accept help from somebody who's trying to help them, like a police officer. You should really read up on the facts and not just freak out because people write to your list serv every time a man drives a car near a girl.
http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/publications/PDF10A.pdf
Most people children who were abducted are taken by people they know, and some kids have gotten so scared of strangers that even if they are lost they won't accept help from somebody who's trying to help them, like a police officer. You should really read up on the facts and not just freak out because people write to your list serv every time a man drives a car near a girl.
Anonymous
07/29/2017 17:57
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
What is a bigger real threat than stranger abduction is molestation by a friend of the family, school staff, coach, priest or relative. How do you discuss that with your kids?
Anonymous
07/29/2017 17:47
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
That Leesburg incident was really scary. I thought it was particularly alarming that a woman was at the wheel, trying to lure the girl. Does anyone know if any suspects are in custody? Any leads?
Anonymous
07/27/2017 22:45
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This dvd is a bit cheesy but effective in explaining "stranger danger" to kids:
https://www.amazon.com/Safe-Side-Stranger-Safety-People/dp/B0009LS9Y4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501162612&sr=8-1&keywords=stranger+safety+dvd
Agree. Cheesy and effective. Actually the cheesiness makes it less scary for kids.
I also recommend this video. I have it and I agree, the silly elements keep it from being scary, but it really does a good job of covering the more actually likely scenarios. The Safe Side Superchick classifies situations into Green, Yellow, and Red (not safe). They also talk about people as "Don't Knows" (true strangers) and "Kinda Knows" (the mailman, a casual neighbor). Its helpful.
Anonymous
07/27/2017 22:01
Subject: Having the "stranger talk" with your child
It's going to take more than teaching your kids about stranger danger. There have been several abduction attempts in town is west of Leesburg this summer, including Winchester, Boyce, and Martinsburg. This may be an extension of that. Gangs, Human trafficking and drug trafficking go hand-in-hand. Towns along I 81 have been hit hard by the heroin and meth epidemic. I would say install security cameras and keep after our elected officials and the police on this issue.