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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You people bashing op for rejecting her brother's visit do.not.get.it.

Her brother doesn't want to see her. He wants to use her land to hunt. It's a use. Op is calling it correctly.

I've been through this with old friends who treated my house like their free retreat. One of dh's friends recently talked about visiting us and when he started to make plans, dear friend had no time to do anything with us. Df had another friend in town to visit but didn't want to stay with them. Our house is nicer. This is a common story with people who live near vacation areas.  [/quote]

Wow-thank you because you hit it on the nail. I realize this and I was sort of proud of myself that I finally said no. As for the non answering phones -I think it is rude. I would think to myself wow we had a nice visit and months later when I have a random question you cannot pick up phone..ever..and I am supposed to pretend this behavior is okay. Please understand I never shared an unkind word with either of these women. As for my mom, when I say peacemaker I mean I listened over the years about complaints on my mom and agreed with them. I also tried to get my mom to behave until she was too unwell to actually get it.  They had valid issues with mom. Anyway family dynamics are hard but after a lifetime of being a dormat, I am finally getting comfortable with standing up for myself. I was looking for advice on people who have done the same thing and how to manage. One thing I am thinking is telling my kids to reach out after they are older and have a relationship with their cousins without all the parents baggage (mine too). Forcing a relationship is tough stuff and ultimately I think it fails. [/quote]

I don't know, OP.  Does your brother have a history of using you in a nonreciprocal way?  If one of my sibs wanted something from me, I would be honored that they asked.  I love them and would welcome the opportunity to help them or make them happy.  Unless your hospitality has been abused in the past, this is a missed opportunity.

And I agree with a PP, that you are reading too much into the phone thing.  I hate talking on the phone.  I have a hard time staying organized and on task, so phone calls can be disruptive.  I'd prefer to text back, especially if it's a quick question.  I have actually found that I've become closer to family members since I've started texting.  I think the mundane little details that lend themselves to texting actually create more intimacy.  [/quote]

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