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[quote=Anonymous]My son has ADHD and one of the traits of that can be very rigid thinking. I was the same way as a kid.

I mention this because he gets something in his head and he just cannot see it from another oerson's perspective. His friend came over one day looking for him, but he wasn't home yet. My husband answered the door and felt badly for the kid (he was apparently sitting on the porch looking forlorn). So my husband gave him a popsicle to cheer him up. My son was furious when he found out. Thought his dad was "choosing Joey over me."

He is going to therapy and I am working with him to help his thinking he more flexible. Most of it involves running different perspectives by him, to help him see there are two sides to the story. It is slow going but it is improving. These are life skills that can take awhile for some people to develop. It doesn't happen overnight.

Your descriptions of ODD, stubborn, defiant, just rang a bell with me. My son is similar although perhaps for different reasons.  His stubbornness and disagreeableness are often a sign that he needs love and reassurance. Some one-on-one time with him, with as much warmth as you can muster, could help too. Do you guys like the same movies or a particular brunch place? Is there any way you could create a little weekly activity for just the two of you?

And TELL him fairly often that you are proud of him. Mention specifics.  They do want to please you, even though it doesn't seem that way.  "Michael, I was impressed how hard you studied for that test. And with no reminders from me. You are really maturing and getting so grown up." "Michael, I saw how Joey just irritated the heck out of you today, and I was really impressed with how you kept your cool and just walked away without yelling. You are doing a great job managing your anger."    Whatever fits.   [/quote]

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