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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can you identify actual things about her that you are missing and wanting, or are you just pining for the idea of her / your carefree youth?[/quote]

Yeah.  She was objectively quite beautiful.  She was highly intelligent, and didn't really suffer fools.  [b]She was also just very elusive- not just with sex, but that was her general way of dealing with people.  It took a long time for me to even earn her trust to get her to hang with me, and then turn it into a romantic relationship.[/b] She was also kind and nice, and I think she would have made a good mom. [/quote]

Ok, I think that part is pretty telling. It was exhilarating, getting to slowly know her and work to get "in" was almost like a (fun) game, you liked the chase, and it felt like you'd won a prize the more she let you in. That feeling can be fun, exhilarating, and intriguing. Laws of attraction and whatnot. However...think about it. That wouldn't really work in a marriage. Even a long term cohabitating relationship. Your wife can't really play hard to get. Once you're actually together and stable, living the ins and outs of your boring everyday lives (bills, work, house upkeep, all that crap), the whole elusive 'chase me and earn my affection' dynamic isn't really possible. And that whole allure is gone which, from your response, seems like a big part of why this girl has a hold on you.

I think you are romanticizing the IDEA of being with her, and failing to think about what that would actually look like. It's a fantasy.

You can't talk yourself out of feeling something, and I think it's normal to look back and wonder what if about certain people from your past, from time to time. But this sounds like more than that. Before getting engaged I'd definitely explore this with a counselor or, if possible, talk it out with a good friend.[/quote]

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