She was the one that got away


The one that wrecked my heart


I should've never let her go


I should've begged her to stay


She was the one that got away


Yeah, the one that got away

If I think about the 2-3 women in my past who still loom large in my romantic memory, it's the ones that got away, the ones that I couldn't get to fully commit to me and appreciate what I had to offer. I'm sure I idealized them in my head, making them seem perfectly suited for me. The other "mortal" women from past relationships seem "conquered" for lack of a better term, with no lingering longing. College girl will probably always be an unrealistically idealized person to OP and may always occupy some special place in the heart because of it. Reaching out unsuccessfully will probably put her yet higher on some unreachable, unobtainable pedestal, while reaching out successfully will just put her into the conquered, mortal category, with all of it's realism and visible faults. It won't be what you imagined it would be - at least not for long. Either way, no good will come of it. A wise friend once told me, "If you find yourself kissing a Goddess, she probably isn't one." Generally speaking, begging is a turnoff, unless the girl has her own issues. Man up.

Anonymous wrote:Men want what they cannot have.

And this is a lovely example of just that.

However I feel that you harbor strong feelings for this woman besides just the chase.

I honestly think you never got over her completely.

She is the true love of your life.
The one that got away.

You need to figure out your feelings on your ex & decide what needs to be done in that area.

In the meantime do not, I said DO NOT propose to your current girlfriend.
It wouldn't be fair to her.

Maybe this is true! I would explore it before it is too late.

Anonymous wrote:Men want what they cannot have.

And this is a lovely example of just that.

However I feel that you harbor strong feelings for this woman besides just the chase.

I honestly think you never got over her completely.

She is the true love of your life.
The one that got away.

You need to figure out your feelings on your ex & decide what needs to be done in that area.

In the meantime do not, I said DO NOT propose to your current girlfriend.
It wouldn't be fair to her.

X 2

Anonymous wrote:you are all f-ed up. no wonder you lost her

Wow.

Do you actually feel better now?
Having got that off your chest??!

-Not OP

Men want what they cannot have.

And this is a lovely example of just that.

However I feel that you harbor strong feelings for this woman besides just the chase.

I honestly think you never got over her completely.

She is the true love of your life.
The one that got away.

You need to figure out your feelings on your ex & decide what needs to be done in that area.

In the meantime do not, I said DO NOT propose to your current girlfriend.
It wouldn't be fair to her.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PPs that you have no business proposing to your GF. You have unresolved issues with your XGF. It's unfair to your current GF and you really need to take a break from your current relationship to figure it out. Your current GF deserves better and more.

+1

I still can't believe you didn't go back to the ex when she called you a year and a half after breaking up. Pride really goeth before the fall and all that. Urghh, I feel terrible for your girlfriend- 4 years of her life wasted. You could easily have gone back to your ex within the first few months you were dating current girlfriend before she developed any feelings.

But you are where you are. Don't propose if you aren't sure. As much as it would suck for your girlfriend for you guys to break up, it would be worse for you to get married and then divorce because she isn't the one for you. And if you and girlfriend of 4 years don't both feel like you've hit the lottery finding each other, I'm not sure how you weather "in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer, with sleepless nights because of kids and the 1001 logistics involved with kids, thru parent's poor health etc.

I agree with the PPs that you have no business proposing to your GF. You have unresolved issues with your XGF. It's unfair to your current GF and you really need to take a break from your current relationship to figure it out. Your current GF deserves better and more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dated her in college. We never had sex, because she was a virgin at the time. But we fooled around a lot, though she didn't want to go all the way. She eventually ended up breaking up with me because I slept with someone else.

It's been several years now and I still think about her all the time. I have a great girlfriend who is beautiful, supportive, smart, but I still think of this girl all the time.

It's moving towards the point where I should propose, been 4 years of dating now. And I just wonder if I should contact college girl or not, before I'm officially off the market. Or if this is a normal thing for guys, thinking about someone from your past.

Get over her. She is only appealing because she is now forbidden fruit. There are a million more like her.

Further, to her you are damaged goods and she won't be coming back no matter how much you tell her you have changed.

She contacted me about a year and a half after we broke up. I had just met my current GF, and I told her I would call her, but I never did, because I thought about it and realized I wanted to give things a shot. Also I was still a bit angry about the breakup. So, I know at that time she was open to a conversation, at least. I don't know about now.

You were angry and you were the one who cheated on her? Why would you want a virgin? What is wrong with you?

I didn't want her because she was a virgin. I fell in love with her, not knowing she was a virgin. When we finally got together, she didn't want to go past hooking up and finally told me.

And technically we were on a break when I cheated, but it was definitely an iffy situation. It was my first major real "heart broken" situation and I begged her to reconsider (literally, that took a lot of my pride and flushed it down the toilet) and she refused and started dating someone else. Even though I understand what I did wrong it was just a very negative time for me

It sounds like you want to revisit some past trauma and "make it right." I would just move on. Chances are, even if she agreed, you'd probably lose interest in her quickly since this is probably not about her and more about your own hurt feelings.

Also, it sounds like you are young and probably not ready to be engaged.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you identify actual things about her that you are missing and wanting, or are you just pining for the idea of her / your carefree youth?

Yeah. She was objectively quite beautiful. She was highly intelligent, and didn't really suffer fools. She was also just very elusive- not just with sex, but that was her general way of dealing with people. It took a long time for me to even earn her trust to get her to hang with me, and then turn it into a romantic relationship. She was also kind and nice, and I think she would have made a good mom.

Ok, I think that part is pretty telling. It was exhilarating, getting to slowly know her and work to get "in" was almost like a (fun) game, you liked the chase, and it felt like you'd won a prize the more she let you in. That feeling can be fun, exhilarating, and intriguing. Laws of attraction and whatnot. However...think about it. That wouldn't really work in a marriage. Even a long term cohabitating relationship. Your wife can't really play hard to get. Once you're actually together and stable, living the ins and outs of your boring everyday lives (bills, work, house upkeep, all that crap), the whole elusive 'chase me and earn my affection' dynamic isn't really possible. And that whole allure is gone which, from your response, seems like a big part of why this girl has a hold on you.

I think you are romanticizing the IDEA of being with her, and failing to think about what that would actually look like. It's a fantasy.

You can't talk yourself out of feeling something, and I think it's normal to look back and wonder what if about certain people from your past, from time to time. But this sounds like more than that. Before getting engaged I'd definitely explore this with a counselor or, if possible, talk it out with a good friend.

Who is her celebrity doppelgänger OP?

If you go back to your ex, then you will pine for your current HF and wonder "what if". Just human nature.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dated her in college. We never had sex, because she was a virgin at the time. But we fooled around a lot, though she didn't want to go all the way. She eventually ended up breaking up with me because I slept with someone else.

It's been several years now and I still think about her all the time. I have a great girlfriend who is beautiful, supportive, smart, but I still think of this girl all the time.

It's moving towards the point where I should propose, been 4 years of dating now. And I just wonder if I should contact college girl or not, before I'm officially off the market. Or if this is a normal thing for guys, thinking about someone from your past.

Get over her. She is only appealing because she is now forbidden fruit. There are a million more like her.

Further, to her you are damaged goods and she won't be coming back no matter how much you tell her you have changed.

+1

And she's probably been banging someone else... think on that!

Anonymous wrote:you are all f-ed up. no wonder you lost her

NP. What a compassionate and helpful response

you are all f-ed up. no wonder you lost her