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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think continuing to make suggestions about covering it is counterproductive and may make her self-conscious.  Don't let her think you are ashamed of the scar or think it needs to be hidden.  There will be time enough for that when she cares about it.[/quote]

Totally agree.  My son has Alopecia.   He lost all his hair when he was 8.  He's now 11 and the following things have been most helpful to him (and ME). 
1)  A therapist made it very clear to me that I needed to give him control whenever possible.  He can't control how he looks but he should be able to control when he wears a hat, when he doesn't, how he explains it to ppl etc.

2) PPL who grew up with alopecia and spent a lot of time with their families trying to "fix" them report that they got the message that they were "broken."  So you must be vigilant that your efforts to help and protect your DD do not send the message that there is anything wrong with being different.

3) the school counselor emphasized to my son that his classmates are struggling with lots of differences that are not visible.  He may feel like he stands out but others feel the same way because they are dyslexic, ADHD, ESOL, have trouble making friends, very shy, very short, wear leg braces, have freckles, need OT, need speech therapy, are unathletic etc.  Recognizing this is a good way to build compassion and not feel so isolated.  As a parent--don't shy away from talking about peoples differences, help your kid notice them in a observant, non-judgmental way.

4) by discussing #3, my son realized that everybody is "weird"  and the corollary is of course that there is no "normal"

5) I found several books very helpful in that they had main characters that had a visible difference or disability but they overcame their challenges or learned to cope with them.  Consider reading the following titles out loud to your DD:  Wonder by R.J.Palacio; Freak the Mighty by Rodman Philbrick; Mockingbird by Kathryn Erskine; Losing It by Erin Fry.  Some of these are geared toward late ES or MS because they deal with tough issues with kids facing real challenges.  I have found that my Son loves this type of book.

Book for you.  David and Goliath by Malcom Gladwell.  This book documents how adversity and challenges are a benefit in life!  It really helped me with my own anxiety.

6) Don't hesitate to seek input from a therapist.  My son definitely had some anxiety (I had a lot).  A few sessions were very helpful.  I probably needed it more than he did.  But, we both benefited.  Just me telling him--"I don't know how you should best handle this, lets go talk to an expert who  knows more than I do about things like this" made him feel supported.

Hang in there.  I know how hard this is.  I lost A LOT of sleep when my son was struggling and now it's just who he is an it doesn't define him.  Your DD's scar won't define her either, it will just make her unique.  Embrace that!!
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