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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a single mom with one child; 5 yo. Her dad travels extensively so she's with me 100% of the time. We divorced when she was an infant  but have a decent relationship. I've never made dating a priority because of my focus on raising my child. But months ago I was introduced to a mutual friend and for the first time in five years, entered into a relationship. He is 10 years older than me, two grown kids in college. And at first it was pretty amazing. I had forgotten  what it was like to enjoy myself, go for walks, and have an awesome physical relationship with someone. [b]I am by nature a cautious person, and have taken my time.[/b] Accordingly he has not met my daughter and I have no plans to introduce them immediately. [b]For his part however he has come out of the gate pretty fast. Wanted to introduce me to his  children, told me he loved me, even talked about wanting to have another baby. All of that is flattering but I need time and consistency to trust someone[/b]. We've had a few issues regarding scheduling, I have a very flexible nanny who allows me to have  some free time to see him. But admittedly we are always on my schedule because of the constraints of me having a small child. Last night I had plans to go over to his house as we are both leaving for separate trips this morning.  I had dinner with friends earlier, then got a text message from him at 9:30 PM telling me he felt ill and will talk to me tomorrow. I was hurt because we were supposed to see each other pre-trip. I asked him if I should still come say hello since we are departing separately and leaving the next day, he said yes. I did,  but he seemed quite apathetic about me being there. Yes he had a cold, but it seemed odd to cancel our plans  (sex, basically) for that reason. I expressed confusion about that, he got irritated, and I ended up leaving. I called when I got home to try to talk it out and he let it go to voicemail.

I'm sad that I handled things childishly and shouldn't have walked out in the middle of an argument, but  i've been unsettled by what I feel is a push pull dynamic between the two of us. I need something that progresses slowly and goes somewhere authentic and I feel like he has rushed the relationship early and now is dialing back. And although I know I shouldn't have walked out in the middle of an argument, I feel like it bodes poorly that he didn't answer my call. We both talked about how we don't believe in going to bed angry and that seem to contradict that.[/quote]

1.  It has been three months.  You are not "taking it slowly" if you are this deeply invested after 12 weeks.
2. [b] Red flags for control and possible abuse:  Him wanting to introduce you to his  children, telling you he loves you, talking about wanting to have another baby.[/b]   You are forewarned and should be forearmed.
3.  He had a cold and didn't want to see you, or have sex.  That is not a comment on you as a person.  Simmer down.

This sounds like a bad situation all around to me.[/quote]

Just wanted to say that I disagree with this.  I know people that have gotten married after 3 months dating, and they've been happy for decades.  Particularly when people are older, sometimes it's just easier to know that the fit is right.  And introducing someone to your ADULT children after 3 months doesn't seem weird to me either, particularly if they are home visiting and won't be home for another several months.  And the baby thing might be just his way of saying that he's open to that .... a lot of 50 year old guys with adults kids are NOT open to that, and it might be a deal breaker for a woman that is late '30s with only a year or two to make up her mind on that particular question.  So, with all of this, I'd say .... if he's very persistent in the face of you saying "uhhhhh....." in response, that's a red flag.  If it's just the sort of thing he has mentioned once or twice casually (like, you see a cute baby at a store and he says "I'd sort of like another baby.  I bet we'd make cute babies together!"), I do NOT think it's a red flag for abuse.  [/quote]

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