Reply to First night without kids and so sad

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "First night without kids and so sad"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am recently divorced after my husband had an affair.  Tonight is the first time my kids have stayed at his house and I am so sad.  I miss them terribly.  I am so mad at myself that I have sent him nasty texts about what an asshole he is.  Please tell me it will get better.
[/quote]

Don't interact with him.  Stop with the nasty texts.  Think about him like you think about a child - kids like to get attention whether it's positive or negative.  When you send him nasty texts, even though they say "your an ass," that is a form of negative attention.  Cheaters love attention, so you are just feeding him.  He interprets these texts as "she still cares about me, she still wants me.". I know that sounds crazy, but it's true.

Also, by sending him the angry texts you are still interacting with him in a way that expects some rationality and responsibility.  IT would be a normal, expected response to have someone say to an angry exchange, i.e. you'r an ass, you wrecked your kids lives and my life, etc., for someone to say back, "you're right, I mever should have cheated, I'm sorry I hurt so many others, how can I make it up?". Except you are dealing with a cheater, so you are never going to get that rational response, no matter how angry you are.

So, stop sending the texts.  You are 100% right he is an ass, but telling him that doesn't accomplish anything.  Instead think about how you would normally treat someone that you met who is an ass - you would limit their access to your life, right?   Do the same with him.  Yes, you have kids, but you owe him nothing more than courteous exchanges.  He is responsible for his relationship with them.  Don't share anything about your life.  Stop doing any emotional work for him.

Focus your time away from the kids on things you need to do to recharge yourself and your lives with them, so that when you get them back you can enjoy quality time with them.

Your best revenge is having a strong connected life with them.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics