Anonymous wrote:It will get better, then it will get hard, then it will get better again and it will get hard again.
2 years divorced and I still struggle. Especially around the holidays.

I've learned to pick up hobbies and use my time wisely on the weekends when I don't have the kids (we split 50/50 and alternate weekends) so that when my kids are with me, I'm 100% with them. They get more quality out of me for sure. It's the quantity that I struggle with. My son lost a tooth and I wasn't able to be the tooth fairy = crushing.

I only communicated with my asshole XH about the kids, and it's facts. Never anything negative.
Think of texting him as a business transaction, it makes it easier, takes the emotions out of it.

My kids both have cell phones now (which of course I pay for, he doesn't...) but it makes it MUCH easier that I can communicate with them even when they are not with me.

Good luck!

These are good ideas.

I'm divorced too, and three years out it has gotten easier.

Stop focusing on your ex and take this time to focus on yourself. You have been through a good deal of trauma and need to heal. That might be curling up in a chair with tea and a good book, getting a pedicure, taking a long bath, doing a Netflix binge with Chinese food. Whatever makes you happy - just do it.

This is a good list of ideas if you've been so busy you can't remember what makes you happy: http://www.southtampatherapy.com/Elizabeths_Blog/Entries/2009/1/3_Pleasurable_Activities_List.html

It will get better, then it will get hard, then it will get better again and it will get hard again.
2 years divorced and I still struggle. Especially around the holidays.

I've learned to pick up hobbies and use my time wisely on the weekends when I don't have the kids (we split 50/50 and alternate weekends) so that when my kids are with me, I'm 100% with them. They get more quality out of me for sure. It's the quantity that I struggle with. My son lost a tooth and I wasn't able to be the tooth fairy = crushing.

I only communicated with my asshole XH about the kids, and it's facts. Never anything negative.
Think of texting him as a business transaction, it makes it easier, takes the emotions out of it.

My kids both have cell phones now (which of course I pay for, he doesn't...) but it makes it MUCH easier that I can communicate with them even when they are not with me.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:I am recently divorced after my husband had an affair. Tonight is the first time my kids have stayed at his house and I am so sad. I miss them terribly. I am so mad at myself that I have sent him nasty texts about what an asshole he is. Please tell me it will get better.

Something doesn't jive here, from separation through finalizing a divorce/custody takes at least 18 months. How is it possible that this is the first night your husband has had the children? Somethings not right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One wonders... if you're the cheater and you wind up divorced, are you sad on nights without the kids? Do you regret cheating? Did you ever think your cheating would lead to not seeing the kids half the time?

A lot of the time, cheaters have already compartmentalized their families so much that joint custody doesn't affect them as much.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One wonders... if you're the cheater and you wind up divorced, are you sad on nights without the kids? Do you regret cheating? Did you ever think your cheating would lead to not seeing the kids half the time?

They don't care about that stuff. Cheaters are always very self centered

+1. Half the time is likely a hell of a lot more than they saw them when they were married.

OP, I'm so sorry. I will be in your shoes soon and think a lot about what those nights will be like. Other PPs have given good advice. You will get through this.

Anonymous wrote:One wonders... if you're the cheater and you wind up divorced, are you sad on nights without the kids? Do you regret cheating? Did you ever think your cheating would lead to not seeing the kids half the time?

They don't care about that stuff. Cheaters are always very self centered

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am recently divorced after my husband had an affair. Tonight is the first time my kids have stayed at his house and I am so sad. I miss them terribly. I am so mad at myself that I have sent him nasty texts about what an asshole he is. Please tell me it will get better.

I think I see why you are divorced.

I think I see why he cheated.

Because the best way to deal with a spouse sending a mean text is to go stick your dick in someone else. Healthy Coping Methods 101.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am recently divorced after my husband had an affair. Tonight is the first time my kids have stayed at his house and I am so sad. I miss them terribly. I am so mad at myself that I have sent him nasty texts about what an asshole he is. Please tell me it will get better.

I think I see why you are divorced.

I think I see why he cheated.

Yep

+1 Good riddance.

This isn't the time, PPs. You can tell she's vulnerable and hurting.

Anonymous wrote:One wonders... if you're the cheater and you wind up divorced, are you sad on nights without the kids? Do you regret cheating? Did you ever think your cheating would lead to not seeing the kids half the time?

A lot of the time, cheaters have already compartmentalized their families so much that joint custody doesn't affect them as much.

Anonymous wrote:I am recently divorced after my husband had an affair. Tonight is the first time my kids have stayed at his house and I am so sad. I miss them terribly. I am so mad at myself that I have sent him nasty texts about what an asshole he is. Please tell me it will get better.

Don't interact with him. Stop with the nasty texts. Think about him like you think about a child - kids like to get attention whether it's positive or negative. When you send him nasty texts, even though they say "your an ass," that is a form of negative attention. Cheaters love attention, so you are just feeding him. He interprets these texts as "she still cares about me, she still wants me.". I know that sounds crazy, but it's true.

Also, by sending him the angry texts you are still interacting with him in a way that expects some rationality and responsibility. IT would be a normal, expected response to have someone say to an angry exchange, i.e. you'r an ass, you wrecked your kids lives and my life, etc., for someone to say back, "you're right, I mever should have cheated, I'm sorry I hurt so many others, how can I make it up?". Except you are dealing with a cheater, so you are never going to get that rational response, no matter how angry you are.

So, stop sending the texts. You are 100% right he is an ass, but telling him that doesn't accomplish anything. Instead think about how you would normally treat someone that you met who is an ass - you would limit their access to your life, right? Do the same with him. Yes, you have kids, but you owe him nothing more than courteous exchanges. He is responsible for his relationship with them. Don't share anything about your life. Stop doing any emotional work for him.

Focus your time away from the kids on things you need to do to recharge yourself and your lives with them, so that when you get them back you can enjoy quality time with them.

Your best revenge is having a strong connected life with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am recently divorced after my husband had an affair. Tonight is the first time my kids have stayed at his house and I am so sad. I miss them terribly. I am so mad at myself that I have sent him nasty texts about what an asshole he is. Please tell me it will get better.

I think I see why you are divorced.

OP ignore this bilge. Been there and it's tough. But it will get better because you can do things on your own terns and not be tethered to someone to a seriously flawed person. Don't text - go 180. Think about what you want in future !

Come on PP's, divorce is hard! Don't be so mean to OP.

It's ok OP. Hard not to be super angry at your X when he blew up your life.

My sister just got dumped after 33 years of marriage and does not know why.

It's hard.

Hang in there OP. I agree with PP's who suggested coming up with a list of things to do when the kids are with him.

Down the road when you are dating (it will happen) or going out with friends, you will be glad to have every other weekend off. I have seen it go that way many times.

Change is hard. Hang in there.

Sorry OP. Try and keep busy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am recently divorced after my husband had an affair. Tonight is the first time my kids have stayed at his house and I am so sad. I miss them terribly. I am so mad at myself that I have sent him nasty texts about what an asshole he is. Please tell me it will get better.

I think I see why you are divorced.

I think I see why he cheated.

Yep

+1 Good riddance.