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[quote=Anonymous]My condolences to you and your family. Almost 5 years ago I lost my husband suddenly, our kids were 3, 10, and 17 at the time. It was during the summer, so our kids were not in school but it was about 3 weeks before our oldest and youngest went back to school. I made sure to notify all of their teachers and school counselors of what happened and I made sure to ask for support. I am going to focus on what we did for my 10 year old because he was closest in age to your son. His school was WONDERFUL, the counselor talked to him and offered him a quiet place to go if he needed to be alone or someone to sit with him or talk to him if he needed that. There were times when he would be in class and just get overwhelemed and it was great for him to be able to just get up, walk out and go to his "spot".... whatever teacher he was with would call the counselor and she would go check on him to see if he needed anything or just wanted to be alone for a little while. (If your child's school does not offer this, I would request it.... it helped my son a  lot to feel like he did not have to hold everything in and had complete and unconditional support when he needed it). I offered to send him to counselor or group and at the time he declined. I  did find an organization that had a grief camp that he attended very shortly after my husband passed (The Wendt Center has Camp Forget Me Not... it shows that the deadline has passed for enrollment, but call them if you are interested and explain your situation) that my son really liked because he met a boy his age there who had also just lost his father and they could both talk and cry (or not) together and not feel bad. Even though my son was not interested in counseling I read as much as I could about children and grief.  I went to counseling almost immediately and it was great for me to have somewhere to go and vent and cry and be weak if I needed to (you will get sick and tired of people telling you how strong you are) with someone who understood and could offer some real assistance with coping strategies and guidance on my grief journey. My son ended up wanting to go to therapy about 18 months after my husband passed away, he went weekly for 2 1/2 years and it helped him a lot, not just with his grief but overall adolescent stuff. I think one of the most important things I learned during this process is that everyone grieves differently, but there are some significant things that are similar for most people. 1. The first year you are literally operating on auto-pilot, cut you and your kid some slack. Do not try to go back to normal, there is no going back and honestly give yourself grace in creating a new normal. It is perfectly OK to just put stuff on hold until you are emotionally ready to handle it. 2. The first time you do anything that you had done in the past will be hard (holidays, birthdays, dinner at a particular restaurant, car wash, you name it, ANYTHING), try to prepare yourself as best you can, but know that it is almost impossible to prepare for every time this happens.... give yourself grace. 3. It is OK for the kid to miss school and you to miss work and everyone pile in your bed and cry or laugh and tell stories or just sit and be... and it is OK to not do this, as I said earlier everyone grieves differently there is no right or wrong. You are not on a timeline, if people want to judge you tell them to F*CK OFF... literally, if you have to. Sometimes you will feel like you have your act together only to get knocked back on your behind in the next moment.... this is perfectly normal... sometimes this will happen years out... again, normal. Sometimes you will feel super productive and like you have this thing licked and are back on your feet, so when you can do what you can do, but try not to push too far too fast. 4. Your responsibility is to you and your kid... please put everything that takes away from your healing on the back burner. It will be there when you are ready to get back to it. Find a support group or individual counselor to support you through this time. Your friendships will probably change... people you thought were your BFFs may not know how to support you, you may find a whole new network of people who will drop everything and be there for you, you may get closer to epople you have known all your life, or not. Try not to judge others too harshly because they are grieving toon (but remember to put you and your son first). 5. In the US we do a horrible job of talking about death and grief, it is a natural part of life. Please do not hold it in, if you do not want to talk to anyone that is OK, but give yourself and your kid that option.

I feel like this was rambly and all over the place. I wish I could provide you with an email to reach out to me if you have questions or just need to talk. Please know that you are not alone and you will get through this... just take it one day (or hour or minute) at a time. ((((HUGS)))) [/quote]

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