Reply to I read on here that a parent's marriage often shapes those of their children

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Reply to "I read on here that a parent's marriage often shapes those of their children"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is shaped by my parents but kind of like, in direct opposition. My parents had a crappy marriage, my mom had a crappy remarriage and as a result I cultivate my marriage like a garden.

They were always screaming at each other and had so much resentment. I never let us simmer in anger at each other. We always talk things out calmly and relatively quickly. I try to keep working on our marriage at the forefront of both of our minds, even with little kids.

That's all basically as a direct result of watching my parents, but I'm not repeating history. [/quote]

But did you marry someone who is skilled at relationships? I  prioritize my marriage but the relationship has fundamental issues.[/quote]

No, not really. He's kind of quiet and conflict avoidant and if left to his own devices would probably get pretty passive aggressive. Not out of spite just kind of the natural result of his tendencies to really not like talking about his feelings or talking about hard things.

I just simply don't let that happen. If we are upset about something and starting to get snippy I'll be like, 'lets pause and deal with this for a second.' And if its a larger thing we'll sit there and just talk about it until we've sorted it. And since we're usually dealing with stuff regularly, we don't have stuff that needs more time than that to work through. It is uncomfortable for him for sure. He hates 'relationship talks'. But he would say that my forcing them is something he loves about me because even though its uncomfortable in the moment, he knows I'm not harboring long term resentments and that he always knows what he's getting with me.

I will say he is willing to work on the relationship and willing to go through those things with me. So even though he doesn't like it, he sees the value and participates willingly and without any resentment or anything.  [/quote]

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