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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not divorced (yet) but separating late this summer - trial separation, so we'll see what happens.

Definite red flags on both ends for us, but we were headstrong and in lust and proceeded without caution (in and of itself a red flag). We were both in dissolving relationships when we got together (red flag). Engaged and living together within a year (red flag, although I didn't think so at the time because we had dated as teens and thought we knew each other. Ha! Making out in the park and going to the movies does not count as real relationship history, I have since learned.)

My husband is critical and self-righteous, which made him fun to talk politics with - not as fun when we're having an argument. He's really dry and wry and clever, which again is fun in a casual context but is less so when I'm the butt of the joke.

I knew he had cheated on previous partners, had struggled with substance abuse, and had treated previous partners poorly. Like all good codependents, though, I thought he would *magically* change with me because I was *the one.*

There's no full unraveling here - we have children together and will thus be connected forever (and even after we're gone). I do like him, very much, but recognize that we came into the relationship each with a TON of unresolved baggage. We're separating and I really don't know what the future holds. But red flags? Yeah, there were a ton, all of which I chose to ignore. [/quote]

Not to hijack the thread, but you seem articulate and your DH probably is also.  So if I am reading this correctly you dated, broke up, went out with others, and then probably saw each other as safe harbors so there is a long history.  We all have baggage and I hope the two of you seek counseling and some distance puts things in perspective where maybe you both realize you are not perfect people and the marriage will never be perfect, but with the kids and your history there is enough to have a marriage that despite its flaws is worth keeping.[/quote]

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