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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I actually have a kid with Asperger's not just tendencies and ADHD and I don't tolerate "outburst, rigidity and rude or insulting behavior."  Having ASD and/or ADHD is not a "pass" for acting like a jerk.

Sneering at you and sending nasty text messages during passover Seder!  Warn him ahead of time and tell him the consequences for acting like a jerk and stick with it.

You should take a parenting class with Dr. Shapiro or similar.  Don't tolerate this type of behaviors.  You are not doing your son any favors by doing so.[/quote]

If you actually took a parenting class, it would tell you that sustained behavior change comes through positive reinforcement.  Basic Kazdin Method and what Dr. Shapiro teaches.  So stop being so basic, b*tch.  Practice what you "preach."[/quote]

Agree.  Also if you've met one kid with Aspergers you know one kid with Aspergers.  Every kid is different and for me positive reinforcement has worked best.   When we have tried to implement consequences he just becomes more rigid and antagonistic.[/quote]

NP here.  My kids have ADHD/anxiety.  I agree that it is unacceptable to tolerate rude/insulting behavior - yet you have to pick/choose your battles.  I've taken a lot of classes, read a lot of books and have excellent routines/structures at home.  I also have teenagers and what I do with them isn't much different than what I did when they were toddlers and pre-teens.  BTW, I've found the Yes, Your Teen IS Crazy helpful.

I've had to change the way I do things and my kids' 'currency' has changed.  I don't take my kids' phones away.  They 'lose' them when they demonstrate poor behavior.  Texting during meals? It's a signal to me they haven't learned/remembered manners.  They lose the phone.  Yelling at me?  I point out that I'm not yelling and walk away.  I'll tolerate a certain level of rudeness but not insults.  The hardest thing, and most important, is not to get my emotions drawn into the interactions.  It's harder for my DH (who also has ADHD) but he's gotten better.   Hugs, OP.  I know how hard this is.

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