Reply to A gay man that doesn't want to be gay

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Isn't OP bringing his traits up BECAUSE the friend said he wants to date women. Perhaps a bit stereotypical, but meaning that he would be able to hide his sexual preference without difficulty. OP seems confused because if a straight friend came out saying they suddenly desired a homosexual relationship, it would be confusing. He is asking how to help. [/quote]  Thank you. This is OP.  I am a female by the way, to posters that assumed I was a guy.  I include my best friend in everything, family events, taking the kids to events, I have always encouraged him to invite anyone that he wants over, and he has brought dates over for dinner (always men). I have NO PROBLEM with this.  I do have a problem if he is going to date a woman and not tell her that all his life he has been gay.  I don't think that's fair to her or him.  It seems that he thinks it's the "easy way" to lead a normal life and have a family.  The only reason I mentioned him being masculine and not outwardly appearing gay is because if he starts dating a woman, she will NOT KNOW that he is gay unless he tells her.  Maybe he thinks he may be bi, I don't know.  I am struggling with if he does bring a female date over for dinner or to meet me that I KNOW he isn't going to tell her that he is gay.  This is where my problem lies. This is where I was speechless.  How do you support your friend finding what he believes is happiness, yet it may be deceiving another person in the meantime.

By the way, he has dated a few women over the last couple weeks (he has no problem finding dates!) and he seems happy. I haven't said anything about it to him or the women, I'm just feeling things out and seeing if this is temporary, or if he is really looking to change his lifestyle.  From what I know, if you are gay, you are gay. You can't CHOOSE to NOT be gay.

He needs to be true to himself in order to find true happiness.

Right now he is a gay man that thinks his true happiness will be starting a family with a woman.  That to me is a problem.[/quote]You sound like a good friend, OP.  Yeah, if he were definitely bisexual, I'd encourage him to date women if he wanted to.  But from your description it sounds like he's not really.  The main thing is that he needs to be honest with the women he dates about his past.  It would be deeply unfair to hide this from them.

I don't know about your friend but some people do go from dating one gender to the other and then back - but that's based on who they're attracted to, not what they think will give them a stereotypical acceptable family life.[/quote]

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