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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why the ban on English? Just curious. I mean, do all of you live in the U.S.? Is everyone bi-lingual or are some non-English speaking...? I hope this is not offensive.
As far as the other issues it would make me uncomfortable also and feel judged. This all could get better or worse as the kids get older. But he is your brother and the kids should know each other. I think you should keep up with the visits and try to follow their rules.  Be respectful. 
 My guess is that they are not judging you at all, but they are struggling to maintain control of their house and children. It is probably stressful for them when you or anyone else visits. 
Try not to let it damage your relationship. 
[/quote]

NO no, not offensive at all! There is a belief that many of my compatriots have that speaking English at home will damage the parents' native language skills of kids. Like, you have to have a language safe space :) 
Everyone is bilingual, but my brother and SIL don't speak it with ease whereas I do - maybe this has something to do with this aggressive desire to have a non-English speaking home.

do you think I should limit the visits to once a year even though they invite us more often?[/quote]
Thanks for clarifying about the language. As soon as I submitted my post last night I kind of figured out the answer myself - mostly. Makes sense to me BUT I think maintaining such strict, rigid rules while having house guests - even family - is a bit unreasonable. 
Do I think you should continue the visits? Yes. If the purpose is to keep up the family relationships I would suggest more frequent visits if possible. Perhaps shorter in duration. If possible can you plan some vacations together?  on neutral territory where the focus would be on enjoying recreational activities together. Also I would push for brother and his family to make the trip occasionally to your home. I agree with your brother about the importance of maintaining family relationships - but not simply on principle. Not to mention that he is calling all of the shots :) 
The relationship should be fulfilling and beneficial to all involved. It does not sound like this is the case for you. Perhaps you should discuss other options for spending time together.
I can relate to your situation having been there, done that and ... failed. Lots of regrets. I feel compelled to encourage you to keep trying OP. [/quote]

PP, I just wanted to thank you once again for your thoughtful responses. If I may ask, what was your situation?
I was thinking about spending vacations together. They don't have much vacation time or money; all they have they tend to spend on travel to our country of origin (which I also don't get but this is none of my business). I don't have much money either. 
Staying in a hotel would look simply strange, they would think I was terribly offended or something else happened that warrants a lot of questions.
I think I might either do shorter visits, or time them so that my nephews are still in school and my son is not; that will give myself and son much more "alone" time which will relieve the stress; also maybe shorter visits if kids are not at school. 
Maybe encourage them to take local trips together. [/quote]

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