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[quote=Anonymous][quote=mshakespeare][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can relate. I had this exact issue with an Asian BF. He'd stare openly at all women, and Asian women were goddesses of perfection in every aspect, from their looks to how they treated a man. And in his culture, underneath the "family first" facade, the unfortunate norm was that men were expected to cheat, and women put up with it and blamed themselves.

Just do yourself a favor and drop him. If he makes you feel this way, and up until now you've been a secure person, it's HIM, and your gut is telling you the right thing. I wish I'd listened to my gut back then, when I'd feel humiliated by his staring at women, and sometimes the women would catch my eye and give me this look of pity, like, "I can't believe your asshole boyfriend treats you this way."[/quote]

LOL - people check people out. If that makes you insecure - then you probably need to focus on bettering yourself and figuring out why you are insecure. You probably become insecure when your significant other watches porn.

Instead of blaming the boyfriend, maybe you should give advice that is going to help this young lady.

OP - while this man may look at other women, I think you really need to take the time to figure out what makes you insecure. Quite frankly, if you were secure to begin with, no one would make you feel otherwise. And if you were really secure, you wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Think about what makes this boyfriend different from others... Is he more successful? More attractive? More intelligent? Is the nature of your relationship different? Do you care more about this one than others in the past?

You also want to start thinking about why you don't feel good enough for him or why you feel as though you don't deserve him.

The fact that you see an attractive person and that ruins your night - that is YOUR issue - not his.[/quote]

So you think it's fine for men to ogle and leer at other women when they're out with their gf/wife, and that any woman who finds it disrespectful and creepy has the problem. We all know people check people out. There's a difference between a quick look, and fixating like a starving dog that sees a hunk of meat. When everyone around notices a guy staring obsessively, so that it makes people uncomfortable, that's the guy's issue. Don't blame the women. Guys who do this and also carry on about their exes? They are typically always looking for something better than you, and often turn out to be liars and cheaters who are going to make you feel bad about yourself as long as you keep them around. [/quote]

Op here: He's not more successful, attractive or intelligent compared to my exs. I know that sounds bad but it's true. He's cute in my eyes though! I am really attracted to him.  He's nicer. He's good at sports and sweeter than my exs. He's better at giving massages. He told me his ex complained about the same thing. He's definitely getting better at not staring as much. He did this so many times before though. I can't get rid of these thoughts. I think I need to start fresh with someone else. [/quote]

Then you should. Do him a favor.

So, let's get this straight -

In the beginning of the relationship - he used to stare at women a lot, and talk about his ex...

Now that you are more established - he talks about his ex a lot less and doesn't stare as much - but you can't let go of the fact that it happened - even though it is - in your words - improving...

That sounds like a YOU problem - YOU are insecure.

And in case you didn't figure it out - you are insecure because this one treats you nicer, is sweeter, and because of those things - you like him more than possibly your other exes...

There is nothing wrong with being insecure - the issue is that you finally have something that you fear losing... Happens to a lot of people.
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No it was more like the first few years! Maybe I'm not fixating on it anymore. I'm not sure. When he does this crap though it makes me feel like he's looking for someone better than me. It's not a good feeling. [/quote]

I think part of the problem is that you really started off on the wrong foot...

You are a white girl who dates an Asian guy - but deep down thinks he is just slumming it with a white girl for now to satisfy some curiosity - but he actually will end up one day with an Asian girl.

So - maybe you were MORE fixated on him staring at other women before - and it was your perception that he was overly staring at women because you were already insecure...

Maybe he is just a douche... I don't know - but regardless - control what you can control - figure out if it is you or him - and be objective - the point is not to assign blame - but for you to be the best person you can be by evaluating yourself objectively.[/quote]

I like how you assume I am white. I am not. My boyfriend is south asian and he likes to stare at east asian women.

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