Anonymous
Post 03/02/2017 01:06     Subject: Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
Hey, poster who's convinced it's all her fault for being insecure? I think it's how she's phrased it that's got you gnawing on the wrong bone here.

She doesn't have to be insecure to dislike her boyfriend staring at other women. A lot of us find it rude and disrespectful. If you aren't that into us, be honest. Our point is that we don't want to be a placeholder while a guy continues shopping for that perfect woman.

In my experience, men who are still shopping are a dead end, and even if they convince you somehow that they're clueless and don't mean to stare and will try to stop blah blah blah, they're lying and they just want to hold onto your warm body while they continue to browse and try out others.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2017 16:08     Subject: Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
Anonymous wrote:Yes. Your gut is telling you something. RUN!!!!!


+1
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2017 16:07     Subject: Re:Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
I am clearly at odds on this thread, but figured I would share my experience. I am dating a man, who is older I might add and he always is checking out other women, the thing is that we actually do this together, its become a game and we have fun and some good laughs about it. It keeps the attraction going as well, because both he and I get looks from the opposite sex, etc. The thing is that my bf makes sure to give me lots of attention also and he makes me feel like I am the sexiest women to walk the face of the Earth. We have a great sex life. I think it is normal to have a guy check out other women, so if you start to participate and make no big deal out of it, it becomes fun, but this will ONLY work as long as he is giving you the same attention and more and it is clear that he is with just you! If you take the insecurity out of it and he starts to be open w/ you and share, etc, it becomes much less threating in my opinion. I also want to clarify that I also point out hot men, nicely dressed men, etc. He is also not threatened by this.
mshakespeare
Post 03/01/2017 14:48     Subject: Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
Anonymous wrote:
mshakespeare wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can relate. I had this exact issue with an Asian BF. He'd stare openly at all women, and Asian women were goddesses of perfection in every aspect, from their looks to how they treated a man. And in his culture, underneath the "family first" facade, the unfortunate norm was that men were expected to cheat, and women put up with it and blamed themselves.

Just do yourself a favor and drop him. If he makes you feel this way, and up until now you've been a secure person, it's HIM, and your gut is telling you the right thing. I wish I'd listened to my gut back then, when I'd feel humiliated by his staring at women, and sometimes the women would catch my eye and give me this look of pity, like, "I can't believe your asshole boyfriend treats you this way."


LOL - people check people out. If that makes you insecure - then you probably need to focus on bettering yourself and figuring out why you are insecure. You probably become insecure when your significant other watches porn.

Instead of blaming the boyfriend, maybe you should give advice that is going to help this young lady.

OP - while this man may look at other women, I think you really need to take the time to figure out what makes you insecure. Quite frankly, if you were secure to begin with, no one would make you feel otherwise. And if you were really secure, you wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Think about what makes this boyfriend different from others... Is he more successful? More attractive? More intelligent? Is the nature of your relationship different? Do you care more about this one than others in the past?

You also want to start thinking about why you don't feel good enough for him or why you feel as though you don't deserve him.

The fact that you see an attractive person and that ruins your night - that is YOUR issue - not his.


So you think it's fine for men to ogle and leer at other women when they're out with their gf/wife, and that any woman who finds it disrespectful and creepy has the problem. We all know people check people out. There's a difference between a quick look, and fixating like a starving dog that sees a hunk of meat. When everyone around notices a guy staring obsessively, so that it makes people uncomfortable, that's the guy's issue. Don't blame the women. Guys who do this and also carry on about their exes? They are typically always looking for something better than you, and often turn out to be liars and cheaters who are going to make you feel bad about yourself as long as you keep them around.


Op here: He's not more successful, attractive or intelligent compared to my exs. I know that sounds bad but it's true. He's cute in my eyes though! I am really attracted to him. He's nicer. He's good at sports and sweeter than my exs. He's better at giving massages. He told me his ex complained about the same thing. He's definitely getting better at not staring as much. He did this so many times before though. I can't get rid of these thoughts. I think I need to start fresh with someone else.


Then you should. Do him a favor.

So, let's get this straight -

In the beginning of the relationship - he used to stare at women a lot, and talk about his ex...

Now that you are more established - he talks about his ex a lot less and doesn't stare as much - but you can't let go of the fact that it happened - even though it is - in your words - improving...

That sounds like a YOU problem - YOU are insecure.

And in case you didn't figure it out - you are insecure because this one treats you nicer, is sweeter, and because of those things - you like him more than possibly your other exes...

There is nothing wrong with being insecure - the issue is that you finally have something that you fear losing... Happens to a lot of people.


No it was more like the first few years! Maybe I'm not fixating on it anymore. I'm not sure. When he does this crap though it makes me feel like he's looking for someone better than me. It's not a good feeling.


I think part of the problem is that you really started off on the wrong foot...

You are a white girl who dates an Asian guy - but deep down thinks he is just slumming it with a white girl for now to satisfy some curiosity - but he actually will end up one day with an Asian girl.

So - maybe you were MORE fixated on him staring at other women before - and it was your perception that he was overly staring at women because you were already insecure...

Maybe he is just a douche... I don't know - but regardless - control what you can control - figure out if it is you or him - and be objective - the point is not to assign blame - but for you to be the best person you can be by evaluating yourself objectively.


I like how you assume I am white. I am not. My boyfriend is south asian and he likes to stare at east asian women.



My fault. For some reason, I thought you said you were white - not an assumption - might have misread something or confused your post with another thread somewhere else.

Regardless - my point remains the same. The issue is that you already believe that he doesn't want to be with you - that he idealizes another type of person - east Asians.

So - you feel insecure.

But - that is still your fault. You choose to be insecure. Just like you could choose to realize that you are just as deserving, just as beautiful, just as good as any east Asian woman... Maybe even better. It's all in how you view yourself!

I bet if he were looking at ugly fat people - you wouldn't feel the same way.

But, the fact of the matter is - YOU perceive the women that he is looking at to be better than you - and that is why you feel insecure.

Stop believing that these other women are better than you.

He might be in the wrong for throwing that in your face - but only you can choose to actually believe it.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2017 14:40     Subject: Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
mshakespeare wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can relate. I had this exact issue with an Asian BF. He'd stare openly at all women, and Asian women were goddesses of perfection in every aspect, from their looks to how they treated a man. And in his culture, underneath the "family first" facade, the unfortunate norm was that men were expected to cheat, and women put up with it and blamed themselves.

Just do yourself a favor and drop him. If he makes you feel this way, and up until now you've been a secure person, it's HIM, and your gut is telling you the right thing. I wish I'd listened to my gut back then, when I'd feel humiliated by his staring at women, and sometimes the women would catch my eye and give me this look of pity, like, "I can't believe your asshole boyfriend treats you this way."


LOL - people check people out. If that makes you insecure - then you probably need to focus on bettering yourself and figuring out why you are insecure. You probably become insecure when your significant other watches porn.

Instead of blaming the boyfriend, maybe you should give advice that is going to help this young lady.

OP - while this man may look at other women, I think you really need to take the time to figure out what makes you insecure. Quite frankly, if you were secure to begin with, no one would make you feel otherwise. And if you were really secure, you wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Think about what makes this boyfriend different from others... Is he more successful? More attractive? More intelligent? Is the nature of your relationship different? Do you care more about this one than others in the past?

You also want to start thinking about why you don't feel good enough for him or why you feel as though you don't deserve him.

The fact that you see an attractive person and that ruins your night - that is YOUR issue - not his.


So you think it's fine for men to ogle and leer at other women when they're out with their gf/wife, and that any woman who finds it disrespectful and creepy has the problem. We all know people check people out. There's a difference between a quick look, and fixating like a starving dog that sees a hunk of meat. When everyone around notices a guy staring obsessively, so that it makes people uncomfortable, that's the guy's issue. Don't blame the women. Guys who do this and also carry on about their exes? They are typically always looking for something better than you, and often turn out to be liars and cheaters who are going to make you feel bad about yourself as long as you keep them around.


Op here: He's not more successful, attractive or intelligent compared to my exs. I know that sounds bad but it's true. He's cute in my eyes though! I am really attracted to him. He's nicer. He's good at sports and sweeter than my exs. He's better at giving massages. He told me his ex complained about the same thing. He's definitely getting better at not staring as much. He did this so many times before though. I can't get rid of these thoughts. I think I need to start fresh with someone else.


Then you should. Do him a favor.

So, let's get this straight -

In the beginning of the relationship - he used to stare at women a lot, and talk about his ex...

Now that you are more established - he talks about his ex a lot less and doesn't stare as much - but you can't let go of the fact that it happened - even though it is - in your words - improving...

That sounds like a YOU problem - YOU are insecure.

And in case you didn't figure it out - you are insecure because this one treats you nicer, is sweeter, and because of those things - you like him more than possibly your other exes...

There is nothing wrong with being insecure - the issue is that you finally have something that you fear losing... Happens to a lot of people.


No it was more like the first few years! Maybe I'm not fixating on it anymore. I'm not sure. When he does this crap though it makes me feel like he's looking for someone better than me. It's not a good feeling.


I think part of the problem is that you really started off on the wrong foot...

You are a white girl who dates an Asian guy - but deep down thinks he is just slumming it with a white girl for now to satisfy some curiosity - but he actually will end up one day with an Asian girl.

So - maybe you were MORE fixated on him staring at other women before - and it was your perception that he was overly staring at women because you were already insecure...

Maybe he is just a douche... I don't know - but regardless - control what you can control - figure out if it is you or him - and be objective - the point is not to assign blame - but for you to be the best person you can be by evaluating yourself objectively.


I like how you assume I am white. I am not. My boyfriend is south asian and he likes to stare at east asian women.

mshakespeare
Post 03/01/2017 13:40     Subject: Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can relate. I had this exact issue with an Asian BF. He'd stare openly at all women, and Asian women were goddesses of perfection in every aspect, from their looks to how they treated a man. And in his culture, underneath the "family first" facade, the unfortunate norm was that men were expected to cheat, and women put up with it and blamed themselves.

Just do yourself a favor and drop him. If he makes you feel this way, and up until now you've been a secure person, it's HIM, and your gut is telling you the right thing. I wish I'd listened to my gut back then, when I'd feel humiliated by his staring at women, and sometimes the women would catch my eye and give me this look of pity, like, "I can't believe your asshole boyfriend treats you this way."


LOL - people check people out. If that makes you insecure - then you probably need to focus on bettering yourself and figuring out why you are insecure. You probably become insecure when your significant other watches porn.

Instead of blaming the boyfriend, maybe you should give advice that is going to help this young lady.

OP - while this man may look at other women, I think you really need to take the time to figure out what makes you insecure. Quite frankly, if you were secure to begin with, no one would make you feel otherwise. And if you were really secure, you wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Think about what makes this boyfriend different from others... Is he more successful? More attractive? More intelligent? Is the nature of your relationship different? Do you care more about this one than others in the past?

You also want to start thinking about why you don't feel good enough for him or why you feel as though you don't deserve him.

The fact that you see an attractive person and that ruins your night - that is YOUR issue - not his.


So you think it's fine for men to ogle and leer at other women when they're out with their gf/wife, and that any woman who finds it disrespectful and creepy has the problem. We all know people check people out. There's a difference between a quick look, and fixating like a starving dog that sees a hunk of meat. When everyone around notices a guy staring obsessively, so that it makes people uncomfortable, that's the guy's issue. Don't blame the women. Guys who do this and also carry on about their exes? They are typically always looking for something better than you, and often turn out to be liars and cheaters who are going to make you feel bad about yourself as long as you keep them around.


Op here: He's not more successful, attractive or intelligent compared to my exs. I know that sounds bad but it's true. He's cute in my eyes though! I am really attracted to him. He's nicer. He's good at sports and sweeter than my exs. He's better at giving massages. He told me his ex complained about the same thing. He's definitely getting better at not staring as much. He did this so many times before though. I can't get rid of these thoughts. I think I need to start fresh with someone else.


Then you should. Do him a favor.

So, let's get this straight -

In the beginning of the relationship - he used to stare at women a lot, and talk about his ex...

Now that you are more established - he talks about his ex a lot less and doesn't stare as much - but you can't let go of the fact that it happened - even though it is - in your words - improving...

That sounds like a YOU problem - YOU are insecure.

And in case you didn't figure it out - you are insecure because this one treats you nicer, is sweeter, and because of those things - you like him more than possibly your other exes...

There is nothing wrong with being insecure - the issue is that you finally have something that you fear losing... Happens to a lot of people.


No it was more like the first few years! Maybe I'm not fixating on it anymore. I'm not sure. When he does this crap though it makes me feel like he's looking for someone better than me. It's not a good feeling.


I think part of the problem is that you really started off on the wrong foot...

You are a white girl who dates an Asian guy - but deep down thinks he is just slumming it with a white girl for now to satisfy some curiosity - but he actually will end up one day with an Asian girl.

So - maybe you were MORE fixated on him staring at other women before - and it was your perception that he was overly staring at women because you were already insecure...

Maybe he is just a douche... I don't know - but regardless - control what you can control - figure out if it is you or him - and be objective - the point is not to assign blame - but for you to be the best person you can be by evaluating yourself objectively.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2017 13:14     Subject: Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can relate. I had this exact issue with an Asian BF. He'd stare openly at all women, and Asian women were goddesses of perfection in every aspect, from their looks to how they treated a man. And in his culture, underneath the "family first" facade, the unfortunate norm was that men were expected to cheat, and women put up with it and blamed themselves.

Just do yourself a favor and drop him. If he makes you feel this way, and up until now you've been a secure person, it's HIM, and your gut is telling you the right thing. I wish I'd listened to my gut back then, when I'd feel humiliated by his staring at women, and sometimes the women would catch my eye and give me this look of pity, like, "I can't believe your asshole boyfriend treats you this way."


LOL - people check people out. If that makes you insecure - then you probably need to focus on bettering yourself and figuring out why you are insecure. You probably become insecure when your significant other watches porn.

Instead of blaming the boyfriend, maybe you should give advice that is going to help this young lady.

OP - while this man may look at other women, I think you really need to take the time to figure out what makes you insecure. Quite frankly, if you were secure to begin with, no one would make you feel otherwise. And if you were really secure, you wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Think about what makes this boyfriend different from others... Is he more successful? More attractive? More intelligent? Is the nature of your relationship different? Do you care more about this one than others in the past?

You also want to start thinking about why you don't feel good enough for him or why you feel as though you don't deserve him.

The fact that you see an attractive person and that ruins your night - that is YOUR issue - not his.


So you think it's fine for men to ogle and leer at other women when they're out with their gf/wife, and that any woman who finds it disrespectful and creepy has the problem. We all know people check people out. There's a difference between a quick look, and fixating like a starving dog that sees a hunk of meat. When everyone around notices a guy staring obsessively, so that it makes people uncomfortable, that's the guy's issue. Don't blame the women. Guys who do this and also carry on about their exes? They are typically always looking for something better than you, and often turn out to be liars and cheaters who are going to make you feel bad about yourself as long as you keep them around.


Op here: He's not more successful, attractive or intelligent compared to my exs. I know that sounds bad but it's true. He's cute in my eyes though! I am really attracted to him. He's nicer. He's good at sports and sweeter than my exs. He's better at giving massages. He told me his ex complained about the same thing. He's definitely getting better at not staring as much. He did this so many times before though. I can't get rid of these thoughts. I think I need to start fresh with someone else.


Then you should. Do him a favor.

So, let's get this straight -

In the beginning of the relationship - he used to stare at women a lot, and talk about his ex...

Now that you are more established - he talks about his ex a lot less and doesn't stare as much - but you can't let go of the fact that it happened - even though it is - in your words - improving...

That sounds like a YOU problem - YOU are insecure.

And in case you didn't figure it out - you are insecure because this one treats you nicer, is sweeter, and because of those things - you like him more than possibly your other exes...

There is nothing wrong with being insecure - the issue is that you finally have something that you fear losing... Happens to a lot of people.


No it was more like the first few years! Maybe I'm not fixating on it anymore. I'm not sure. When he does this crap though it makes me feel like he's looking for someone better than me. It's not a good feeling.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2017 13:04     Subject: Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can relate. I had this exact issue with an Asian BF. He'd stare openly at all women, and Asian women were goddesses of perfection in every aspect, from their looks to how they treated a man. And in his culture, underneath the "family first" facade, the unfortunate norm was that men were expected to cheat, and women put up with it and blamed themselves.

Just do yourself a favor and drop him. If he makes you feel this way, and up until now you've been a secure person, it's HIM, and your gut is telling you the right thing. I wish I'd listened to my gut back then, when I'd feel humiliated by his staring at women, and sometimes the women would catch my eye and give me this look of pity, like, "I can't believe your asshole boyfriend treats you this way."


LOL - people check people out. If that makes you insecure - then you probably need to focus on bettering yourself and figuring out why you are insecure. You probably become insecure when your significant other watches porn.

Instead of blaming the boyfriend, maybe you should give advice that is going to help this young lady.

OP - while this man may look at other women, I think you really need to take the time to figure out what makes you insecure. Quite frankly, if you were secure to begin with, no one would make you feel otherwise. And if you were really secure, you wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Think about what makes this boyfriend different from others... Is he more successful? More attractive? More intelligent? Is the nature of your relationship different? Do you care more about this one than others in the past?

You also want to start thinking about why you don't feel good enough for him or why you feel as though you don't deserve him.

The fact that you see an attractive person and that ruins your night - that is YOUR issue - not his.


So you think it's fine for men to ogle and leer at other women when they're out with their gf/wife, and that any woman who finds it disrespectful and creepy has the problem. We all know people check people out. There's a difference between a quick look, and fixating like a starving dog that sees a hunk of meat. When everyone around notices a guy staring obsessively, so that it makes people uncomfortable, that's the guy's issue. Don't blame the women. Guys who do this and also carry on about their exes? They are typically always looking for something better than you, and often turn out to be liars and cheaters who are going to make you feel bad about yourself as long as you keep them around.


Op here: He's not more successful, attractive or intelligent compared to my exs. I know that sounds bad but it's true. He's cute in my eyes though! I am really attracted to him. He's nicer. He's good at sports and sweeter than my exs. He's better at giving massages. He told me his ex complained about the same thing. He's definitely getting better at not staring as much. He did this so many times before though. I can't get rid of these thoughts. I think I need to start fresh with someone else.


Then you should. Do him a favor.

So, let's get this straight -

In the beginning of the relationship - he used to stare at women a lot, and talk about his ex...

Now that you are more established - he talks about his ex a lot less and doesn't stare as much - but you can't let go of the fact that it happened - even though it is - in your words - improving...

That sounds like a YOU problem - YOU are insecure.

And in case you didn't figure it out - you are insecure because this one treats you nicer, is sweeter, and because of those things - you like him more than possibly your other exes...

There is nothing wrong with being insecure - the issue is that you finally have something that you fear losing... Happens to a lot of people.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2017 13:01     Subject: Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
Anonymous wrote:Yes my current relationship. We have been together several years. He is an 8 or 9 and I'm a 2. I see the way other women look at him.


This is my point.

HE doesn't make you feel insecure - YOU ARE INSECURE. No reason to think of yourself as a 2!
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2017 13:00     Subject: Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can relate. I had this exact issue with an Asian BF. He'd stare openly at all women, and Asian women were goddesses of perfection in every aspect, from their looks to how they treated a man. And in his culture, underneath the "family first" facade, the unfortunate norm was that men were expected to cheat, and women put up with it and blamed themselves.

Just do yourself a favor and drop him. If he makes you feel this way, and up until now you've been a secure person, it's HIM, and your gut is telling you the right thing. I wish I'd listened to my gut back then, when I'd feel humiliated by his staring at women, and sometimes the women would catch my eye and give me this look of pity, like, "I can't believe your asshole boyfriend treats you this way."


LOL - people check people out. If that makes you insecure - then you probably need to focus on bettering yourself and figuring out why you are insecure. You probably become insecure when your significant other watches porn.

Instead of blaming the boyfriend, maybe you should give advice that is going to help this young lady.

OP - while this man may look at other women, I think you really need to take the time to figure out what makes you insecure. Quite frankly, if you were secure to begin with, no one would make you feel otherwise. And if you were really secure, you wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Think about what makes this boyfriend different from others... Is he more successful? More attractive? More intelligent? Is the nature of your relationship different? Do you care more about this one than others in the past?

You also want to start thinking about why you don't feel good enough for him or why you feel as though you don't deserve him.

The fact that you see an attractive person and that ruins your night - that is YOUR issue - not his.


So you think it's fine for men to ogle and leer at other women when they're out with their gf/wife, and that any woman who finds it disrespectful and creepy has the problem. We all know people check people out. There's a difference between a quick look, and fixating like a starving dog that sees a hunk of meat. When everyone around notices a guy staring obsessively, so that it makes people uncomfortable, that's the guy's issue. Don't blame the women. Guys who do this and also carry on about their exes? They are typically always looking for something better than you, and often turn out to be liars and cheaters who are going to make you feel bad about yourself as long as you keep them around.


All of your points may be valid - but the idea that SOMEONE ELSE can make you insecure is ridiculous. The only way that happens is if you were already insecure to begin with and they hit a nerve.

At some point - YOU need to take responsibility for the way that YOU feel.

There was a post on here about a Dad who told his daughter who wasn't listening to him, not to make him mad.

A poster responded and said the Dad was ridiculous because he shouldn't be telling his daughter that she made him mad, he was mad because he chose to be mad - he controls his feelings

I agree - YOU CONTROL HOW YOU FEEL.

The very fact that she is still with this guy long enough for him to make her feel insecure if he is acting the way she says he is acting - shows that she is insecure. A confident person would have left a long time ago.

So, get off your feminist high horse.

I would say the same thing if a man were the OP.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2017 12:51     Subject: Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can relate. I had this exact issue with an Asian BF. He'd stare openly at all women, and Asian women were goddesses of perfection in every aspect, from their looks to how they treated a man. And in his culture, underneath the "family first" facade, the unfortunate norm was that men were expected to cheat, and women put up with it and blamed themselves.

Just do yourself a favor and drop him. If he makes you feel this way, and up until now you've been a secure person, it's HIM, and your gut is telling you the right thing. I wish I'd listened to my gut back then, when I'd feel humiliated by his staring at women, and sometimes the women would catch my eye and give me this look of pity, like, "I can't believe your asshole boyfriend treats you this way."


LOL - people check people out. If that makes you insecure - then you probably need to focus on bettering yourself and figuring out why you are insecure. You probably become insecure when your significant other watches porn.

Instead of blaming the boyfriend, maybe you should give advice that is going to help this young lady.

OP - while this man may look at other women, I think you really need to take the time to figure out what makes you insecure. Quite frankly, if you were secure to begin with, no one would make you feel otherwise. And if you were really secure, you wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Think about what makes this boyfriend different from others... Is he more successful? More attractive? More intelligent? Is the nature of your relationship different? Do you care more about this one than others in the past?

You also want to start thinking about why you don't feel good enough for him or why you feel as though you don't deserve him.

The fact that you see an attractive person and that ruins your night - that is YOUR issue - not his.


So you think it's fine for men to ogle and leer at other women when they're out with their gf/wife, and that any woman who finds it disrespectful and creepy has the problem. We all know people check people out. There's a difference between a quick look, and fixating like a starving dog that sees a hunk of meat. When everyone around notices a guy staring obsessively, so that it makes people uncomfortable, that's the guy's issue. Don't blame the women. Guys who do this and also carry on about their exes? They are typically always looking for something better than you, and often turn out to be liars and cheaters who are going to make you feel bad about yourself as long as you keep them around.


Op here: He's not more successful, attractive or intelligent compared to my exs. I know that sounds bad but it's true. He's cute in my eyes though! I am really attracted to him. He's nicer. He's good at sports and sweeter than my exs. He's better at giving massages. He told me his ex complained about the same thing. He's definitely getting better at not staring as much. He did this so many times before though. I can't get rid of these thoughts. I think I need to start fresh with someone else.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2017 12:43     Subject: Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
Yes my current relationship. We have been together several years. He is an 8 or 9 and I'm a 2. I see the way other women look at him.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2017 12:27     Subject: Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can relate. I had this exact issue with an Asian BF. He'd stare openly at all women, and Asian women were goddesses of perfection in every aspect, from their looks to how they treated a man. And in his culture, underneath the "family first" facade, the unfortunate norm was that men were expected to cheat, and women put up with it and blamed themselves.

Just do yourself a favor and drop him. If he makes you feel this way, and up until now you've been a secure person, it's HIM, and your gut is telling you the right thing. I wish I'd listened to my gut back then, when I'd feel humiliated by his staring at women, and sometimes the women would catch my eye and give me this look of pity, like, "I can't believe your asshole boyfriend treats you this way."


LOL - people check people out. If that makes you insecure - then you probably need to focus on bettering yourself and figuring out why you are insecure. You probably become insecure when your significant other watches porn.

Instead of blaming the boyfriend, maybe you should give advice that is going to help this young lady.

OP - while this man may look at other women, I think you really need to take the time to figure out what makes you insecure. Quite frankly, if you were secure to begin with, no one would make you feel otherwise. And if you were really secure, you wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Think about what makes this boyfriend different from others... Is he more successful? More attractive? More intelligent? Is the nature of your relationship different? Do you care more about this one than others in the past?

You also want to start thinking about why you don't feel good enough for him or why you feel as though you don't deserve him.

The fact that you see an attractive person and that ruins your night - that is YOUR issue - not his.


So you think it's fine for men to ogle and leer at other women when they're out with their gf/wife, and that any woman who finds it disrespectful and creepy has the problem. We all know people check people out. There's a difference between a quick look, and fixating like a starving dog that sees a hunk of meat. When everyone around notices a guy staring obsessively, so that it makes people uncomfortable, that's the guy's issue. Don't blame the women. Guys who do this and also carry on about their exes? They are typically always looking for something better than you, and often turn out to be liars and cheaters who are going to make you feel bad about yourself as long as you keep them around.