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[quote=Anonymous]I work in a Fed agency where we have a lot of policy discussions both internally and with other agencies and heated discussions happen constantly.  I came from the private sector where collegiality was expected so the cultural difference was a little shocking to me when I started but I've come to expect people to openly bicker.  In some ways, I actually appreciate it because the few colleagues who never raise their voices are the same ones who will very gently stab you in the back.  Different cultures are different but spending your time being offended and negotiating apologies really is not productive.  As Ruth Bader Ginsburg put it:

Another often-asked question when I speak in public: “Do you have some good advice you might share with us?” Yes, I do. It comes from my savvy mother-in-law, advice she gave me on my wedding day. “In every good marriage,” she counseled, “it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.” I have followed that advice assiduously, and not only at home through 56 years of a marital partnership nonpareil. I have employed it as well in every workplace, including the Supreme Court. When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best tune out. Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.[/quote]

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