Anonymous wrote:Anger management is a sign of professionalism. In most white collar environments outbursts and yelling would subtly end one's career.

HAHAHAHAHAH you're cute and a little clueless.

At my last workplace, a colleague, who was unexcusably behind and had majorly messed on an a joint project and had made some huge gaffes that put us in jeopardy, had the temerity to blow up at me, yelling extremely loudly when I suggested we didn't have any more time to entertain X (some pet thing of his he wanted to add on( because we were already behind on Y (our main project). He had always been snarky and dismissive and acted like he was too good for all of us (and did this with our client too, hence the gaffe).

I have heard rasied voices, but never witnessed such hostile and unprofessional behavior. I told HR I thought he had a problem with anger managemet, they of course did nothing. I personally didn't care, since I knew it was an extreme defensive reaction, but I didnt want anyone else to have to deal with that.

For the rest of the year we had to work together, he refused to look me in the eye.

I hear he is on the chopping block with the new director. Too bad so sad.

I had to do it in one situation. I know it was unprofessional, but the two of us had a hands off supervisor who ignored my concerns, then my complaints until the coworker and I were screaming at each other. The situation quickly got handled in my favor and I have not had any issues with that coworker since.

It should be unacceptable but it depends on the organization.

I worked at a Federal agency where a subordinate would regularly scream at coworkers AND me (supervisor) and even screamed the "c" word at me. He had some mental health issues and frequently needed his medication regulated. Still didn't make life easier for those of us who were subjected to his wrath. I was able to forgive him for this behavior because I knew it was sometimes beyond his control.

I also worked in another Federal office where I was regularly screamed at by a supervisor in meetings in front of my subordinates. He escalated it to the point where he got physical ("accidentally" slamming into me.) Others saw this, complaints were filed and the only thing done was to protect him. The entire office was run by fear and intimidation.

Unacceptable. No debate. No matter what relativity (e.g. CEO to janitor). Blaming someone as being too sensitive is obviously just unintelligence. Anybody who says that this sort of thing is ok at work is living in the wrong century, or is arrogant enough to think that moderate or passive forms of violence make that person 'harder' (e.g. "back in my day, we used to..."). Casual profanity in a non-threatening manner, if the other party is comfortable, should be absolutely fine. But always consider context and not what is normalised, as this could be toxic.

Both. It was inappropriate for the higher-up to yell at the staff member. Conversely, she voluntarily interjected herself into an on-going heated discussion and offered unsolicited comments that may have added fuel to the fire of the argument. She didn't necessarily deserve what she got, but she certain created the situation that made her uncomfortable.

What she should have done was commented on the topic later when the parties were no longer discussing the situation or sent her comments privately to the party that her comments would have benefited. Then it is up to that person to decide whether to revisit the topic with the added information. But it is extremely bad office etiquette to insert yourself into a heated discussion and offer unsolicited comments, especially when the people involved are supervisors or manager above you. When she approached the conversation, she should have turned around and left and returned the office key some other time.

While you can ask for an apology from the higher-up, don't be surprised if you don't get one and train your staff on better office etiquette. Do not interrupt a conversation/debate/argument that you are not a part of, especially with management above you, unless something is time critical. Returning an office key is not. Turn around and come back later.

I work in a Fed agency where we have a lot of policy discussions both internally and with other agencies and heated discussions happen constantly. I came from the private sector where collegiality was expected so the cultural difference was a little shocking to me when I started but I've come to expect people to openly bicker. In some ways, I actually appreciate it because the few colleagues who never raise their voices are the same ones who will very gently stab you in the back. Different cultures are different but spending your time being offended and negotiating apologies really is not productive. As Ruth Bader Ginsburg put it:

Another often-asked question when I speak in public: “Do you have some good advice you might share with us?” Yes, I do. It comes from my savvy mother-in-law, advice she gave me on my wedding day. “In every good marriage,” she counseled, “it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.” I have followed that advice assiduously, and not only at home through 56 years of a marital partnership nonpareil. I have employed it as well in every workplace, including the Supreme Court. When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best tune out. Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.

What's raising your voice to one person is not consider raising your voice to another. I've watch some get in trouble and others nothing happens to them.

Anonymous wrote:My staff member complained to me that someone raised their voice at her. She walked in on a "slightly elevated" discussion in someone's office (she was returning an office key). She intervened in the conversation because she had some clarifying information that she thought would help the situation. The person who was acting heated then "raised his voice at her." She is in an extremely low position relative to him, and she said she felt uncomfortable. I took it to my boss, who didn't care and thought she was being too sensitive. I raised the issue with someone else, and they also thought she was being too sensitive. They are going to ask the person to apologize, but it's clear they don't think he did anything wrong.

Maybe she's being sensitive, but if I were to reverse the situation, and I raised my voice at someone and then heard they felt uncomfortable and were complaining, I would feel very embarrassed and apologize to that person.

Separately, someone was very rude to me - I invited him to a meeting at the request of his boss, and he snapped that he didn't have time to waste at meetings. I was very put off by this rudeness.

Maybe I'm just used to working in more cordial places? Just wondering what the norm is in your workplace when it comes to raising your voice when talking with a co-worker.

She was out of line. I don't think yelling is acceptable in the work place, but...she should have kept it moving. She *thought* she had some clarifying information. She walked in on an already heated conversation (you know, where she didn't hear the entire thing), and then it escalated after she interjected herself into it. Duh. Not a good move.

I had a job where the boss yelled at my coworkers and me every day. She would normally target one of us for the day and leave everyone else alone that day. I started getting terrible anxiety and felt stressed out even at home. I requested a transfer and applied to other jobs in my organization and accepted the first offer I received. At my new job nobody yells at anyone ever. It's a much more professional and productive work environment. I no longer have anxiety.

Anonymous wrote:Anger management is a sign of professionalism. In most white collar environments outbursts and yelling would subtly end one's career.

Obviously this does not apply in the White House.

Anger management is a sign of professionalism. In most white collar environments outbursts and yelling would subtly end one's career.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My staff member complained to me that someone raised their voice at her. She walked in on a "slightly elevated" discussion in someone's office (she was returning an office key). She intervened in the conversation because she had some clarifying information that she thought would help the situation. The person who was acting heated then "raised his voice at her." She is in an extremely low position relative to him, and she said she felt uncomfortable. I took it to my boss, who didn't care and thought she was being too sensitive. I raised the issue with someone else, and they also thought she was being too sensitive. They are going to ask the person to apologize, but it's clear they don't think he did anything wrong.

Maybe she's being sensitive, but if I were to reverse the situation, and I raised my voice at someone and then heard they felt uncomfortable and were complaining, I would feel very embarrassed and apologize to that person.

Separately, someone was very rude to me - I invited him to a meeting at the request of his boss, and he snapped that he didn't have time to waste at meetings. I was very put off by this rudeness.

Maybe I'm just used to working in more cordial places? Just wondering what the norm is in your workplace when it comes to raising your voice when talking with a co-worker.

You made a mistake by raising it to your boss. Sometimes it's better to let things die naturally. Your second issue is not about the person being rude to you. You are taking it personally.

So, that's how you treat your staff? They have complaints and you do nothing?

No, you need to find out "facts" first. OP didn't have all the facts together before running to the management.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My staff member complained to me that someone raised their voice at her. She walked in on a "slightly elevated" discussion in someone's office (she was returning an office key). She intervened in the conversation because she had some clarifying information that she thought would help the situation. The person who was acting heated then "raised his voice at her." She is in an extremely low position relative to him, and she said she felt uncomfortable. I took it to my boss, who didn't care and thought she was being too sensitive. I raised the issue with someone else, and they also thought she was being too sensitive. They are going to ask the person to apologize, but it's clear they don't think he did anything wrong.

Maybe she's being sensitive, but if I were to reverse the situation, and I raised my voice at someone and then heard they felt uncomfortable and were complaining, I would feel very embarrassed and apologize to that person.

Separately, someone was very rude to me - I invited him to a meeting at the request of his boss, and he snapped that he didn't have time to waste at meetings. I was very put off by this rudeness.

Maybe I'm just used to working in more cordial places? Just wondering what the norm is in your workplace when it comes to raising your voice when talking with a co-worker.

You made a mistake by raising it to your boss. Sometimes it's better to let things die naturally. Your second issue is not about the person being rude to you. You are taking it personally.

So, that's how you treat your staff? They have complaints and you do nothing?

Anonymous wrote:My staff member complained to me that someone raised their voice at her. She walked in on a "slightly elevated" discussion in someone's office (she was returning an office key). She intervened in the conversation because she had some clarifying information that she thought would help the situation. The person who was acting heated then "raised his voice at her." She is in an extremely low position relative to him, and she said she felt uncomfortable. I took it to my boss, who didn't care and thought she was being too sensitive. I raised the issue with someone else, and they also thought she was being too sensitive. They are going to ask the person to apologize, but it's clear they don't think he did anything wrong.

Maybe she's being sensitive, but if I were to reverse the situation, and I raised my voice at someone and then heard they felt uncomfortable and were complaining, I would feel very embarrassed and apologize to that person.

Separately, someone was very rude to me - I invited him to a meeting at the request of his boss, and he snapped that he didn't have time to waste at meetings. I was very put off by this rudeness.

Maybe I'm just used to working in more cordial places? Just wondering what the norm is in your workplace when it comes to raising your voice when talking with a co-worker.

You made a mistake by raising it to your boss. Sometimes it's better to let things die naturally. Your second issue is not about the person being rude to you. You are taking it personally.