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[quote=Anonymous]2nd poster again.  I spend a lot of money and countless miserable hours with my DH in marriage counseling.  It was awful.  I hit a crossroads.  Get out of a miserable marriage where I worked 60hr/week in a stressful job to have DH tell my nanny she was more of a mother than I was and that I didn't change my fair share of diapers or stay.  I was ready to leave, but would not leave my child.  It finally occurred to me that what he thought didn't matter.  What I did and that I did enough to raise my child, keep her clothed, a roof over our head and food on the table was enough.  DH got to be there while I did it and might actually be helpful.  If he weren't, I'd dump him and hire a nanny.

That all morphed into I actually see good qualities in him.  He is not perfect, no one is.  But how he feels about what I accomplish in the house is his problem, that will not affect me unless I let it.  I realized I can't change what he thinks or feels, and I can let the shit fall wherever it does and decide if I care enough to clean it up, on my schedule.  I do love him, and he does a lot more than many men.

You have to decide what you want.  We live in a messy house.  If he doesn't do the dishes (he is obsessed with doing them more than I), when the sink fills up, I wash them.  If I run out of underwear, I do the laundry.  (He has fewer undies than I, so he usually does the laundry first).  When there is no where on the counter to make dinner, I go through the junk mail he has piled up.   He vacuumed the other day.  I guess he couldn't stand it more  than I couldn't stand it.

If you have to have a spotless house, are worried about a neighbor dropping by, can't put up with his bad habits, then this is not the course for you.  It works for me.  It took me years to figure out that no matter how much organizing I did in the house, he was never going to put things away where I wanted them, I decided to use my energies for other things.  Why continue to walk up the escalator the wrong way?  I now go with the flow.

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