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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I wish you all the best and send you lots of support in drawing the boundaries that you deserve to draw.

I am trying to rebuild a marriage after DH had an affair with a coworker, shortly after we became parents and as a result of his struggle with the realities of being a grown up and a parent (coupled with some mental health and substance issues).  It is not exactly the same situation as yours, but there was plenty of similar behavior.  I would question their time together, especially the going out drinking that he saw as a normal part of his professional life and that I was consciously excluded from, and he would act like I was the crazy one.

Turns out talking and drinking led to kissing led to sex over the course of a few months.  He confessed after it became too much.  (Unsurprisingly the coworker became more attached than he anticipated, destroying his compartmentalization of the "fun" of the whole thing, and after getting so drunk he didn't come home one night I asked him point blank if he'd slept with her - not the first time I'd asked, but apparently the first time since they'd actually had sex - and he confessed).  It has been heartbreaking and devastating in so many ways.  I can only hope that, even with our hard work now, our marriage survives.

I share the details of my story because, if you are at an earlier stage and your DH hasn't actually cheated, which I very much wish for you, I hope that your candor, strength, and calmness will prevent your story from developing the way ours did.  I knew the behavior was problematic, I knew it was leading us further apart, but I couldn't figure out how to talk about it in a way he could hear.  I think going to counseling is going to help you a lot and commend both you and DH for being able to make that happen.  My only advice to you is to stay strong in your boundaries, even if the therapist seems to challenge them.  It's a lesson I'm learning the hard way now.

Best of luck and know that there are people out there thinking of and supporting you.[/quote]

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