Reply to How do I deal with this? SN son not invited to party but he thinks he is

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What's been nagging at me about this thread is that a SN kid needs to learn lots of lessons: how to move and control their bodies, how to communicate effectively, to be kind, to listen, etc. they do not need to learn at 5 or 6 that they will be shunned for being different.

I'm sure they will learn it soon enough though.  This whole thread has left me with an ick feeling that I share the planet with some of you. [/quote]

Regardless of special needs, kids need to learn all those lessons and the younger the better.  My child is 5 and special needs and he gets it.  Kids need to understand if they do not behave that they will not be invited (or in our case, we will not attend if there is misbehavior) as that is the only way they learn.  If everyone is tolerant of it, especially the parents, the kids have no incentive to work on the behaviors and try to fit in.  Yes, they will learn it soon enough, but most face enough challenges and I know anything I can do to make it easier on my child, I will, including my parenting so he learns how to behave in public, interact with his friends, etc.

At 5 and 6, kids are aware of how others behave.  Since my five year old has delays, for him to be with an adhd or behaviorally challenged child, would be a disaster, as he will copy and think its funny playing along not realizing till someone quickly corrects him, that it isn't ok.  We've had this problem often enough we've had to change activity days/times/groups as the children in the class were so ill behaved it was a disaster for mine.  It sucks.  I love the ideal of inclusion but there are some downfalls for many kids.  We recognized early we needed specialized preschool and went to it.  My child would have been disruptive in a typical setting up till this year when he transitioned nicely.  As a parent, it is our responsibility to make sure our child can function in a setting and get them the supports they need, if they cannot to help them get to that place where they can thrive.

If anything, if a child with a severe behavioral issue attended, I'd probably decline as I know it would be a disaster for my child who is normally well behaved, especially for others.  If the child started acting up, mine would copy.  I would in no way put the birthday family in that position and risk running their party (though I doubt my kid would be that extreme but I'm not taking that chance).  (besides between activities and therapy on top of school there is little time for parties)[/quote]

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