Reply to What to tell child who is product of an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP who is the daughter from an affair- I'm the adoptive mom to a child who was also from an affair.

Do you have any advice as to how/when we should tell her? I know that our situations are different in that we have an added issue of adoption.  What would've been most comforting, yet truthful to you to hear?  I assume that my husband and I will seek counseling when our child gets older to help us with this (there are also other difficult things with her adoption).

Thanks.[/quote]

Are you saying your DH cheated and you're now raising his daughter? [/quote]

No, not at all.  Together we adopted a child (not bio related) who was the result of an affair.  If my wording about my husband and I seeking counseling was confusing, I apologize.  I meant that we will seek adoption-specific counseling that will help guide us as we tell our child about her origins.[/quote]

Is it a closed adoption? In your case the affair might just be an extra painful detail that isn't necessary for her to understand where she came from, rather than an essential one.[/quote]

Yes, it is a closed adoption.  The affair was the whole reason she was placed for adoption- I'm not sure concealing it would be possible.  In any case, I believe she has the right to her file eventually, and in it, the affair is laid out in pretty bare details.    And even if we dont tell her ourselves (which I think we should, at an age-appropriate time), she most likely will one day seek her file, which we have a copy of some of the info, and she'll see even more details that what we know.[/quote]

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