Reply to Tension with Wife's Family over Finances

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I follow you, OP.  What I'm hearing is:

(1) The school loan thing is settled - you were venting on here.  I would be mad in your position, too.

(2) The restaurant issue is easily solvable going forward by asking for separate tabs.

(3) The family vacation thing is easily solvable going forward by declining trips that you feel are too expensive.  No is a complete response.  Let them complain and let it go.

Are you comfortable supporting your wife, or are you mad she's doing nonprofit work? [b]If you're the only one making money, you hold all the cards over how it's spent. [/b]  You pay the bills.  You get to direct how you save or don't save your own money.

Are you mad that the in-laws aren't more charitable with their money?  This is not a problem you can solve.  It's their money, and they can do with it as they please.  On this issue, you have to let it go.  Assume nothing from them going forward.  You can't change them. [/quote]

Only financially abusive marriages work this way.[/quote]

Sounds like he's not okay with her choice to go back to school and then work in a low-paying field.  Maybe it was a unilateral decision she made.  Plenty of people with conflicting values over finances eventually end up separating finances. [/quote]

Then they should divorce or get a post nup, not say “I get to say where the money goes because you’re not making money.” That’s not even legally how it works. OP’s income is marital property.[/quote]

Of course it's legal to direct your own paycheck however you want. If he wants to direct a certain percentage of his paycheck to his 401k, another percentage to 529 plans for the kids, and another percentage to a brokerage account to save for emergencies, vacations or a new house, he can do so, and deposit only the amount necessary to cover reasonable living expenses into a joint checking account to cover the bills.  Those of us with spendthrift spouses have to do it like this or we might be bankrupt, never able to retire, and our kids wouldn't be able to go to college. [/quote]

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