Reply to Tension with Wife's Family over Finances

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your wife should be a higher priority to pay for than extended family[/quote]
Not when it comes to a loan that pre-existed the marriage. That’s between the wife and FIL. I posted early on before OP’s follow up. I still think the bottom line is that wife communicates with FIL about her loan, separate checks at restaurants, and declining vacations is the answer.

It was a controlling d!ck move for FIL to make the entire college cost a loan when his daughter couldn’t qualify for any aid because of his money. I don’t think OP is communicating very well, but that is the heart of it. OP’s family values education and makes sure it happens for everyone in the family. FIL does not and he’s definitely controlling. OP shouldn’t have spoken to FIL about the loan, but I think he did it in a spirit of protecting his wife. I suspect that FIL hasn’t been a wonderful father in other ways.

OP, if/when you get to the point that paying off the loan becomes a small amount for you, I would still give DW the money to do it. Not because FIL deserves it, but so DW doesn’t have to feel indebted and get needled about it. Until that time comes she should just dribble out 5% of her income or something. FIL played a stupid game, let him win a stupid prize. [/quote]

OP said the loan issue is done. It was a d*ck move, and I think he did the right thing telling her and her father before marriage that once they are married, the loan payments stop.  She could've decided not to get married, but she didn't.  If she needs some peace of mind, she could tell her father to deduct the amount from her future inheritance.  [/quote]

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