Reply to past sexual history and financial status

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH would never have dated or married me if he knew about a brief but exploratory period of my life.  I've never considered sharing it with him; it's irrelevant to our marriage and life. He also never asked. I'm now a conservative professional and boring mom with no edge.  Maybe I'm more open-minded and less judgmental because I deviated for a moment.  I appreciate the stability we have. I don't even flirt with other men. 
 [/quote]

It's not okay to be a liar, even a liar by omission. He would have thought it was relevant if you'd told him before he proposed.[/quote]

It’s the lying that is most hurtful to a relationship. My good friend recently found out that her husband had been more sexually active before their marriage then he had let on. He had let her believe that they were similarly experienced and that they were learning about that part of their relationship together (they were both 21 when they met). She is deeply upset that he lied by omission by not telling her about this and says that her ability to trust him has been shaken.

She talks about it every time we get together. I just let her talk as much as she wants- I don’t know what else to do to help her and I hate to see her feeling so sad. I can see that this has really affected her. Her mood and energy level are different from before she knew that her husband hadn’t been completely honest with her. 
[/quote]

She really needs to get over it. 21 year olds do stupid things, and a 21 year old boy isn’t getting THAT much action. Plus, she was probbaly super judgmental, which is why he didn’t tell her.

Has he been a good husband? Like I really can’t imagine being 40 years old, having spent 20 years with someone, had children, and being SO upset over something so stupid that you blabber about it nonstop.

Draw some boundaries with your friend and ask her to stop talking about it with you. [/quote]

I think the point is that he didn’t share information that he knew he should have. And then acted as though he was as inexperienced as she was.

I don’t think it’s that stupid to be upset to find out that someone lied to you about something and then kept on lying about it for years. At some point you wonder what else he might have lied about. 
[/quote]

I actually think sharing info about one’s prior history breaks into privacy and boundaries crossing territory.

Nobody is obligated to share it, absolutely nobody. Neither ethically nor legally.

Thus people should just exercise their best judgement how comfortable they are with PRESENT sexual behaviors  . There are many ways to do so - see if the person was quick to jump in bed with you, takes care of their health, protections, asks for STI status, birth control etc. [/quote]

In the situation we’re discussing here, the man led the woman to believe that he was just as inexperienced as she was and acted as though everything was as new to him as it was to her. He knew her and knew what she thought their situation was- by not telling her the truth he knowingly allowed her to maintain a very fundamental misconception about their relationship. Lying by omission is just like any other lie. 
[/quote]

The guy was 21. So maybe he had a couple more drunken hookups than he admitted to, but let’s not pretend he was out having threesomes every weekend. Everything is still extremely new to a 21 year old boy, and they’re still fumbling around.

The wife needs to grow up. Sex isn’t made special because it’s the first time you did XYZ acts. Sex is special because of the person you’re doing it with.

Plus, there’s literally thousands of different things to try in bed. I’m 40 and still feel like I’m just scratching the surface of sex, and I’m always discovering new things. [/quote]

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