Reply to Husband suddenly not interested in being a parent or spouse

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[quote=Anonymous]Mine did this. He wasn't ever the most involved/engaged parent but, for a while at least, he attempted to at least try. And then, he didn't. No major fight, no traumatic event, no external circumstance. No cheating, no substance abuse. Just... decided to not.

It all went downhill from there. The more I tried (counseling for me, counseling together, making sure he had plenty of time alone, never "nagging" or demanding he be part of his own family...) the more he had to complain about how awful I was, how bad our home life was, how little he cared about his kids. It became horribly abusive, which highlighted for me that it had never really been great and he'd probably been faking for as long as he could before the facade cracked.

It never got better. The best advice I received was hard to take: when people want to leave, let them. There was lots of "But he promised!" and "we swore vows" and "doesn't he care about his kids?! How could he do this to them" and ultimately, it was all a bunch of wasted time, trying to postpone the inevitable.

We've lived separately for years. it's not great, but at least my kids and I aren't regularly exposed to his petulant, self-absorbed nonsense. Get out while you can, OP. If he decides to give a damn later, make him work hard to regain trust. But don't count on it. Some men are all about themselves, even if they try to pretend to not be, and get away with it for a very long time. You'll probably see, in retrospect, all the ways he "temporarily checked out" before fully committing to leaving.

When people want to leave, let them.[/quote]

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