Reply to So are we to never have a husband-wife trip without kids for another 14 years?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] 
You’re responding to me and I disagree. I am disappointed in one of my parents who has spent most of his adult life focused solely on his needs and wants. [b]He and his wife (my stepmom who does not have kids if her own) travel 5-10x/year for pleasure, own multiple homes, and could easily have visited us at any time. Or invited us on any of the many fancy trips they take. [/b]They have traveled to see us once in 15 years (after kids 1 was born for 2 days)  and instead expect us to visit them at their convenience, which means traveling across the country and staying in a hotel because they don’t want us messing up their homes. They expect us to zoom with them at their schedule but never ours. They like the trappings of being a grandparent but do nothing to foster an emotional connection. I never expected them to take on the labor of caring for my kids, but I expected them to have some interest. They do not ,but expect us to show up for command performances (my dad’s bdays). I am really over it and I do have some contempt for how self absorbed they are and how limited emotionally and I am envious of people whose parents are loving and involved grandparents. I do not think that I needed to ask permission of my parents to have children and I get that there’s this dcum “expect nothing from others” attitude (which is a weird emotional variant on pull yourself up by the bootstraps) . I can still be disappointed by what a self involved parent and now grandparent I have and I also see that this is truly not the norm among my friends who have parents who actually enjoy being grandparents. It’s instilled in me the desire to be a loving and involved grandparent should I have the chance. You know, call on birthdays, visit, go to their plays, be interested in their lives and try to help adult children who are juggling it all.

I sense quite a bit of one-sidedness in your response. I would be willing to bet that your father might have a different take. And your stepmother quite another.

Why do you have the expectation that they should fund your family's trips? Why do you think there is something wrong if they choose to travel? Or have a second home? Didn't they work for that?

It is interesting that you state your father has "spent most of his adult life focused solely on his needs and wants." Perhaps that's true. But IMO it also sounds like something you were coached to believe. It is interesting that your focus on failing is solely on your father. Is it possible that they can feel the contempt you have for them? It is barely concealed in your post - I imagine your words, actions and body language also communicate that.

Is your mother still alive? Is she doing all the things you believe a grandmother can do?

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From the father and step mother's perspective, it must be frustrating and exasperating to have someone demanding "love me and my kids" while showing contempt at the same time.[/quote]

Wow. That’s a different take. Agree that contempt rarely helps a situation but I read her story and assumed that the contempt was a result of her father’s choice to only be involved in performative aspects of grandparenting. Though I was confused why she was apparently still marching to the beat of his drum as a grown adult. 
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