Reply to I absolutely hate the way my 13yoDD dresses

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I was a teen, my father came at me for wearing a t shirt he thought was too tight. He said I was trying to attract boys.

He was partly right, but mostly I wanted to appear sexually attractive for social status and power, mainly with other girls and with boys with whom I had no intention of having sexual contact.

I was also in puberty and trying to figure out what my sexual identity even was because ultimately, it’s embrace or die at that point. You can’t put it off dealing with it forever.

I didn’t know how to articulate that then so I just screamed and slammed my door. [/quote]
This is what I told DD about dressing in a revealing way:  you are trying to attract that kind of attention, even as you have no intention of actually having sex with the boys.  You still want people to think you look sexy.

Of course, she denies it, storms up stairs and slams the door.

My DD is now a sophomore and wears crop tops, but she wears a large sports bra underneath. I have two rules:  no butt curve or underboob showing.

DD tells me what she wears is actually tame compared to some girls who wear basically a strapless bra to school, and shorts so tight and short that half their butt is hanging out.

I tell DD that I don't care what other girls are wearing.[/quote]

But did you say “you’re trying to look sexy” like it’s bad or wrong? I don’t think it’s bad or wrong. It makes no sense to me that we celebrate adult women for looking sexy in the ways we deem appropriate (which change by culture and time) and then turn around and shame a teen.

Is thick eyeliner shameful when a teen does it but a power move when Cleopatra did it? (Please don’t make a case against Cleopatra, I don’t care).

My point is that wanting to look sexy is normal and appropriate and it doesn’t make your teen an ape in heat.

Navigating how to do that in line with one’s own values and societies is hard enough to say nothing of obeying a mother from whom you will eventually be independent. 
[/quote]

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