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[quote=Anonymous]I had a rough childhood and now, a mom in my thirties, am waking up to all the insidious ways the abuse, abandonment and neglect I experienced has impacted my relationships and self worth. My marriage has been a struggle for some time. My husband’s emotional reactivity, critical nature and financial issues worsened with COVID, until I hit a wall and I left him last year. After some time apart we decided to keep working on our marriage and while there has been improvement, it’s still so hard. I have been in survival mode since the separation. Therapy, medication and self care help, but I feel this inside me at a cellular level. One senior leader in my company has been a strong advocate for me during this time. I’ve felt a connection to him since we met, though he is much older and from a different part of the world. The practical support and kindness that he has shown me and rallied from others during this time has had such an impact. It also surfaces grief that other people in my life have not shown up for me in the same way. I feel so much love and appreciation for him, and I wish I could have met him, or someone like him, under different circumstances. He is ostensibly happily married but I feel that he cares deeply, maybe romantically, for me too. Thankfully we do not spend much time in person together, because when we do I feel something between us and I worry others notice. I actively try to be as warm and friendly with others and keep my distance from him so it’s less noticeable. I know we cannot be together, but I fantasize about being intimate with him daily. This has been going on some time. He is ostensibly happily married with a beautiful family. Breaching our professional relationship would blow up both our lives. I hope these feelings will pass into something less intense soon.[/quote]
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